第 36 节
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独来读网 更新:2022-11-28 19:18 字数:9322
can knit stockings; and so on。 How much longer will this house be
yours?'
'Two years。 If I keep it longer than that I shall have to pay rent
at the rate of three hundred a year。 The Petherwin estate provides
me with it till then; which will be the end of Lady Petherwin's
term。'
'I see it; and you ought to marry before the house is gone; if you
mean to marry high;' murmured Picotee; in an inadequate voice; as
one confronted by a world so tragic that any hope of her assisting
therein was out of the question。
It was not long after this exposition of the family affairs that
Christopher called upon them; but Picotee was not present; having
gone to think of superhuman work on the spur of Ethelberta's
awakening talk。 There was something new in the way in which
Ethelberta received the announcement of his name; passion had to do
with it; so had circumspection; the latter most; for the first time
since their reunion。
'I am going to leave this part of England;' said Christopher; after
a few gentle preliminaries。 'I was one of the applicants for the
post of assistant…organist at Melchester Cathedral when it became
vacant; and I find I am likely to be chosen; through the interest of
one of my father's friends。'
'I congratulate you。'
'No; Ethelberta; it is not worth that。 I did not originally mean to
follow this course at all; but events seemed to point to it in the
absence of a better。'
'I too am compelled to follow a course I did not originally mean to
take。' After saying no more for a few moments; she added; in a tone
of sudden openness; a richer tincture creeping up her cheek; 'I want
to put a question to you boldlynot exactly a questiona thought。
Have you considered whether the relations between us which have
lately prevailed areare the best for youand for me?'
'I know what you mean;' said Christopher; hastily anticipating all
that she might be going to say; 'and I am glad you have given me the
opportunity of speaking upon that subject。 It has been very good
and considerate in you to allow me to share your society so
frequently as you have done since I have been in town; and to think
of you as an object to exist for and strive for。 But I ought to
have remembered that; since you have nobody at your side to look
after your interests; it behoved me to be doubly careful。 In short;
Ethelberta; I am not in a position to marry; nor can I discern when
I shall be; and I feel it would be an injustice to ask you to be
bound in any way to one lower and less talented than you。 You
cannot; from what you say; think it desirable that the engagement
should continue。 I have no right to ask you to be my betrothed;
without having a near prospect of making you my wife。 I don't mind
saying this straight outI have no fear that you will doubt my
love; thank Heaven; you know what that is well enough! However; as
things are; I wish you to know that I cannot conscientiously put in
a claim upon your attention。'
A second meaning was written in Christopher's look; though he
scarcely uttered it。 A woman so delicately poised upon the social
globe could not in honour be asked to wait for a lover who was
unable to set bounds to the waiting period。 Yet he had privily
dreamed of an approach to that positionan unreserved; ideally
perfect declaration from Ethelberta that time and practical issues
were nothing to her; that she would stand as fast without material
hopes as with them; that love was to be an end with her henceforth;
having utterly ceased to be a means。 Therefore this surreptitious
hope of his; founded on no reasonable expectation; was like a guilty
thing surprised when Ethelberta answered; with a predominance of
judgment over passion still greater than before:
'It is unspeakably generous in you to put it all before me so
nicely; Christopher。 I think infinitely more of you for being so
unreserved; especially since I too have been thinking much on the
indefiniteness of the days to come。 We are not numbered among the
blest few who can afford to trifle with the time。 Yet to agree to
anything like a positive parting will be quite unnecessary。 You did
not mean that; did you? for it is harsh if you did。' Ethelberta
smiled kindly as she said this; as much as to say that she was far
from really upbraiding him。 'Let it be only that we will see each
other less。 We will bear one another in mind as deeply attached
friends if not as definite lovers; and keep up friendly remembrances
of a sort which; come what may; will never have to be ended by any
painful process termed breaking off。 Different persons; different
natures; and it may be that marriage would not be the most
favourable atmosphere for our old affection to prolong itself in。
When do you leave London?'
The disconnected query seemed to be subjoined to disperse the crude
effect of what had gone before。
'I hardly know;' murmured Christopher。 'I suppose I shall not call
here again。'
Whilst they were silent somebody entered the room softly; and they
turned to discover Picotee。
'Come here; Picotee;' said Ethelberta。
Picotee came with an abashed bearing to where the other two were
standing; and looked down steadfastly。
'Mr。 Julian is going away;' she continued; with determined firmness。
'He will not see us again for a long time。' And Ethelberta added;
in a lower tone; though still in the unflinching manner of one who
had set herself to say a thing; and would say it'He is not to be
definitely engaged to me any longer。 We are not thinking of
marrying; you know; Picotee。 It is best that we should not。'
'Perhaps it is;' said Christopher hurriedly; taking up his hat。
'Let me now wish you good…bye; and; of course; you will always know
where I am; and how to find me。'
It was a tender time。 He inclined forward that Ethelberta might
give him her hand; which she did; whereupon their eyes met。
Mastered by an impelling instinct she had not reckoned with;
Ethelberta presented her cheek。 Christopher kissed it faintly。
Tears were in Ethelberta's eyes now; and she was heartfull of many
emotions。 Placing her arm round Picotee's waist; who had never
lifted her eyes from the carpet; she drew the slight girl forward;
and whispered quickly to him'Kiss her; too。 She is my sister; and
I am yours。'
It seemed all right and natural to their respective moods and the
tone of the moment that free old Wessex manners should prevail; and
Christopher stooped and dropped upon Picotee's cheek likewise such a
farewell kiss as he had imprinted upon Ethelberta's。
'Care for us both equally!' said Ethelberta。
'I will;' said Christopher; scarcely knowing what he said。
When he had reached the door of the room; he looked back and saw the
two sisters standing as he had left them; and equally tearful。
Ethelberta at once said; in a last futile struggle against letting
him go altogether; and with thoughts of her sister's heart:
'I think that Picotee might correspond with Faith; don't you; Mr。
Julian?'
'My sister would much like to do so;' said he。
'And you would like it too; would you not; Picotee?'
'O yes;' she replied。 'And I can tell them all about you。'
'Then it shall be so; if Miss Julian will。' She spoke in a settled
way; as if something intended had been set in train; and Christopher
having promised for his sister; he went out of the house with a
parting smile of misgiving。
He could scarcely believe as he walked along that those late words;
yet hanging in his ears; had really been spoken; that still visible
scene enacted。 He could not even recollect for a minute or two how
the final result had been produced。 Did he himself first enter upon
the long…looming theme; or did she? Christopher had been so
nervously alive to the urgency of setting before the hard…striving
woman a clear outline of himself; his surroundings and his fears;
that he fancied the main impulse to this consummation had been his;
notwithstanding that a faint initiative had come from Ethelberta。
All had completed itself quickly; unceremoniously; and easily。
Ethelberta had let him go a second time; yet on foregoing mornings
and evenings; when contemplating the necessity of some such
explanation; it had seemed that nothing less than Atlantean force
could overpower their mutual gravitation towards each other。
On his reaching home Faith was not in the house; and; in the
restless state which demands something to talk at; the musician went
off to find her; well knowing her haunt at this time of the day。 He
entered the spiked and gilded gateway of the Museum hard by; turned
to the wing devoted to sculptures; and descended to a particular
basement room; which was lined with bas…reliefs from Nineveh。 The
place was cool; silent; and soothing; it was empty; save of a little
figure in black; that was standing with its face to the wall in an
innermost nook。 This spot was Faith's own temple; here; among these
deserted antiques; Faith was always happy。 Christopher looked on at
her for some time before she noticed him; and dimly perceived how
vastly differed her homely suit and unstudied contourpainfully
unstudied to fastidious eyesfrom Ethelberta's well…arranged
draperies; ev