第 18 节
作者:寻找山吹      更新:2022-11-28 19:12      字数:9321
  do   that   it   was   necessary   to   turn   on   the   light。 And   to   turn   on   the   light
  meant   that   he   would   turn   on;   too;   a   flood   of   querulous   protest   from   his
  wife; Bella; who lay asleep beside him。
  When   for   forty…five   years   of   your   life   you   have   risen   at   four…thirty
  daily; it is difficult to learn to loll。       To do it successfully; you must be a
  natural… born loller to begin with and revert。              Bella Westerveld was and
  had。    So there she lay; asleep。         Old Ben wasn't and hadn't。           So there he
  lay; terribly wide…   awake; wondering   what made   his heart thump so   fast
  when he was lying so still。          If it had been light; you could have seen the
  lines of strained resignation in the sagging muscles of his patient face。
  They had lived in the city for almost a year; but it was the same every
  morning。       He    would     open   his   eyes;   start  up   with   one   hand    already
  reaching   for   the   limp;   drab   work…worn   garments   that   used   to   drape   the
  chair by his bed。       Then he would remember and sink back while a great
  wave     of   depression    swept    over    him。    Nothing     to   get  up   for。  Store
  clothes on the chair by the bed。          He was taking it easy。
  Back home on the farm in southern Illinois he had known the hour the
  instant   his   eyes   opened。    Here   the   flat   next   door   was   so   close   that   the
  bed… room was in twilight even at midday。                On the farm he could tell by
  the feelingan intangible thing; but infallible。            He could gauge the very
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  quality of the blackness that comes just before dawn。                The crowing of the
  cocks; the stamping of the cattle; the twittering of the birds in the old elm
  whose branches were etched eerily against his window in the ghostly light
  these things he had never needed。            He had known。         But here in the un…
  sylvan section of Chicago which bears the bosky name of Englewood; the
  very darkness had a strange quality。
  A  hundred   unfamiliar   noises   misled   him。        There   were   no   cocks;   no
  cattle; no elm。      Above all; there was no instinctive feeling。             Once; when
  they  first   came   to   the   city;   he   had   risen   at   twelve…thirty;   thinking   it   was
  morning; and had gone clumping about the flat; waking up everyone and
  loosing from his wife's lips a stream of acid vituperation that seared even
  his   case…hardened   sensibilities。       The  people  sleeping   in   the  bedroom  of
  the flat next door must have heard her。
  〃You big rube!        Getting up in the middle of the night and stomping
  around like cattle。       You'd better build a shed in the back yard and sleep
  there if you're so dumb you can't tell night from day。〃
  Even   after   thirty…three   years   of   marriage   he   had   never   ceased   to   be
  appalled at the coarseness of her mind and speechshe who had seemed so
  mild and fragile and exquisite when he married her。                He had crept back to
  bed shamefacedly。         He could hear the couple in the bedroom of the flat
  just across the little court grumbling and then laughing a little; grudgingly;
  and   yet   with   appreciation。      That   bedroom;   too;   had   still   the   power   to
  appall   him。     Its   nearness;   its   forced   intimacy;   were   daily  shocks   to   him
  whose most immediate neighbor; back on the farm; had been a quarter of a
  mile away。 The sound of a shoe dropped on the hardwood floor; the rush
  of water in the bathroom; the murmur of nocturnal confidences; the fretful
  cry of a child in the night; all startled and distressed him whose ear had
  found music in the roar of the thresher and had been soothed by the rattle
  of the tractor and the hoarse hoot of the steamboat whistle at the landing。
  His farm's edge had been marked by the Mississippi rolling grandly by。
  Since   they   had   moved   into   town;   he   had   found   only   one   city   sound
  that   he   really   welcomedthe   rattle   and   clink   that   marked   the   milkman's
  matutinal visit。      The milkman came at six; and he was the good fairy who
  released Ben Westerveld from durance vileor had until the winter months
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  made his coming later and later; so that he became worse than useless as a
  timepiece。       But    now     it  was   late   March;     and   mild。     The     milkman's
  coming   would   soon   again   mark   old   Ben's   rising   hour。          Before   he   had
  begun   to   take   it   easy;   six   o'clock   had   seen   the   entire   mechanism   of   his
  busy little world humming smoothly and sweetly; the whole set in motion
  by   his   own   big   work…callused   hands。         Those   hands   puzzled   him   now。
  He often looked at them curiously and in a detached sort of way; as if they
  belonged   to   someone   else。        So   white   they   were;   and   smooth   and   soft;
  with long; pliant nails that never broke off from rough work as they used
  to。    Of late there were little splotches of brown on the backs of his hands
  and around the thumbs。
  〃Guess      it's  my   liver;〃   he  decided;     rubbing     the  spots    thoughtfully。
  〃She gets kind of sluggish from me not doing anything。                       Maybe a little
  spring tonic wouldn't go bad。           Tone me up。〃
  He  got   a   little   bottle   of   reddish…brown   mixture   from  the   druggist   on
  Halstead Street near Sixty…third。           A genial gendeman; the druggist; white…
  coated     and   dapper;    stepping     affably    about   the   fragrant…smelling       store。
  The   reddish…brown   mixture   had   toned   old   Ben   up   surprisinglywhile   it
  lasted。     He   had   two   bottles   of   it。 But   on   discontinuing   it   he   slumped
  back into his old apathy。
  Ben     Westerveld;       in  his   store    clothes;    his   clean    blue   shirt;   his
  incongruous hat; ambling aimlessly about Chicago's teeming; gritty streets;
  was a tragedy。        Those big; capable hands; now dangling so limply from
  inert   wrists;  had   wrested   a   living   from   the   soil;   those   strangely   unfaded
  blue   eyes   had   the   keenness   of   vision   which   comes   from   scanning   great
  stretches of earth and sky; the stocky; square…shouldered body suggested
  power unutilized。 All these spelled tragedy。              Worse than tragedywaste。
  For almost half a century this man had combated the elements; head
  set; eyes wary; shoulders squared。             He had fought wind and sun; rain and
  drought; scourge and flood。            He had risen before dawn and slept before
  sunset。     In   the   process   he   had   taken   on   something   of   the   color   and   the
  rugged   immutability   of   the   fields   and   hills   and   trees   among   which   he
  toiled。    Something of their dignity; too; though your town dweller might
  fail   to   see   it   beneath   the   drab   exterior。 He   had   about   him   none   of   the
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  highlights and sharp points of the city man。               He seemed to blend in with
  the background of nature so as to be almost undistinguishable from it; as
  were   the   furred   and   feathered   creatures。      This   farmer   differed   from  the
  city  man   as   a  hillock   differs   from  an   artificial   golf  bunker;  though   form
  and substance are the same。
  Ben   Westerveld   didn't   know   he   was   a   tragedy。       Your   farmer   is   not
  given   to   introspection。      For   that   matter;   anyone   knows   that   a   farmer   in
  town   is   a   comedy。     Vaudeville;   burlesque;   the   Sunday   supplement;   the
  comic   papers;   have   marked   him   a   fair   target   for   ridicule。    Perhaps   one
  should   know   him   in   his   overalled;   stubble…bearded   days;   with   the   rich
  black loam of the Mississippi bottomlands clinging to his boots。
  At   twenty…five;   given   a   tasseled   cap;   doublet   and   hose;   and   a   long;
  slim pipe; Ben Westerveld would have been the prototype of one of those
  rollicking; lusty young mynheers that laugh out at you from a Frans Hals
  canvas。      A roguish fellow with a merry eye; red…cheeked; vigorous。                       A
  serious mouth;  though;  and   great sweetness   of   expression。               As he   grew
  older; the seriousness crept up and up and almost entirely obliterated the