into　Woodmucket　to　visit　one　of　my　sons　just　for　the　noise；　simply
  for　the　noise；　miss；　for　nothink　else　in　the　world　but　the　noise。
  There's　nothink　like　noise　for　soothing　nerves　that　is　worn
  threadbare　with　the　quietude；　miss；　or　at　least　that's　my
  experience；　and　yet　to　a　strynger　the　quietude　of　the　plyce　is　its
  charm；　undoubtedly　its　chief　charm；　and　that　is　what　our　paying
  guests　always　say；　although　our　charges　are　somewhat　higher　than
  other　plyces。　　If　there's　anythink　you　require；　miss；　I　'ope　you'll
  mention　it。　　There　is　not　a　commodious　assortment　in　Barbury　Green；
  but　we　can　always　send　the　pony　to　Woodmucket　in　case　of　urgency。
  Our　paying　guest　last　summer　was　a　Mrs。　Pollock；　and　she　was　by　way
  of　having　sudden　fancies。　　Young　and　unmarried　though　you　are；
  miss；　I　think　you　will　tyke　my　meaning　without　my　speaking　plyner？
  Well；　at　six　o'clock　of　a　rainy　afternoon；　she　was　seized　with　an
  unaccountable　desire　for　vegetable　marrows；　and　Mr。　'Eaven　put　the
  pony　in　the　cart　and　went　to　Woodmucket　for　them；　which　is　a　great
  advantage　to　be　so　near　a　town　and　yet　'ave　the　quietude。〃
  Mr。　Heaven　is　merged；　like　Mr。　Jellyby；　in　the　more　shining
  qualities　of　his　wife。　　A　line　of　description　is　too　long　for　him。
  Indeed；　I　can　think　of　no　single　word　brief　enough；　at　least　in
  English。　　The　Latin　〃nil〃　will　do；　since　no　language　is　rich　in
  words　of　less　than　three　letters。　　He　is　nice；　kind；　bald；　timid；
  thin；　and　so　colourless　that　he　can　scarcely　be　discerned　save　in　a
  strong　light。　　When　Mrs。　Heaven　goes　out　into　the　orchard　in　search
  of　him；　I　can　hardly　help　calling　from　my　window；　〃Bear　a　trifle　to
  the　right；　Mrs。　Heavennow　to　the　leftjust　in　front　of　you　now
  if　you　put　out　your　hands　you　will　touch　him。〃
  Phoebe；　aged　seventeen；　is　the　daughter　of　the　house。　　She　is
  virtuous；　industrious；　conscientious；　and　singularly　destitute　of
  physical　charm。　　She　is　more　than　plain；　she　looks　as　if　she　had
  been　planned　without　any　definite　purpose　in　view；　made　of　the
  wrong　materials；　been　badly　put　together；　and　never　properly
  finished　off；　but　〃plain〃　after　all　is　a　relative　word。　　Many　a
  plain　girl　has　been　married　for　her　beauty；　and　now　and　then　a
  beauty；　falling　under　a　cold　eye；　has　been　thought　plain。
  Phoebe　has　her　compensations；　for　she　is　beloved　by；　and
  reciprocates　the　passion　of；　the　Woodmancote　carrier；　Woodmucket
  being　the　English　manner　of　pronouncing　the　place　of　his　abode。　　If
  he　〃carries〃　as　energetically　for　the　great　public　as　he　fetches
  for　Phoebe；　then　he　must　be　a　rising　and　a　prosperous　man。　　He
  brings　her　daily；　wild　strawberries；　cherries；　birds'　nests；
  peacock　feathers；　sea…shells；　green　hazel…nuts；　samples　of　hens'
  food；　or　bouquets　of　wilted　field　flowers　tied　together　tightly　and
  held　with　a　large；　moist；　loving　hand。　　He　has　fine　curly　hair　of
  sandy　hue；　which　forms　an　aureole　on　his　brow；　and　a　reddish　beard；
  which　makes　another　inverted　aureole　to　match；　round　his　chin。　　One
  cannot　look　at　him；　especially　when　the　sun　shines　through　him；
  without　thinking　how　lovely　he　would　be　if　stuffed　and　set　on
  wheels；　with　a　little　string　to　drag　him　about。
  Phoebe　confided　to　me　that　she　was　on　the　eve　of　loving　the　postman
  when　the　carrier　came　across　her　horizon。
  〃It　doesn't　do　to　be　too　hysty；　does　it；　miss？〃　she　asked　me　as　we
  were　weeding　the　onion　bed。　　〃I　was　to　give　the　postman　his　answer
  on　the　Monday　night；　and　it　was　on　the　Monday　morning　that　Mr。
  Gladwish　made　his　first　trip　here　as　carrier。　　I　may　say　I　never
  wyvered　from　that　moment；　and　no　more　did　he。　　When　I　think　how
  near　I　came　to　promising　the　postman　it　gives　me　a　turn。〃　　（I　can
  understand　that；　for　I　once　met　the　man　I　nearly　promised　years
  before　to　marry；　and　we　both　experienced　such　a　sense　of　relief　at
  being　free　instead　of　bound　that　we　came　near　falling　in　love　for
  sheer　joy。）
  The　last　and　most　important　member　of　the　household　is　the　Square
  Baby。　　His　name　is　Albert　Edward；　and　he　is　really　five　years　old
  and　no　baby　at　all；　but　his　appearance　on　this　planet　was　in　the
  nature　of　a　complete　surprise　to　all　parties　concerned；　and　he　is
  spoiled　accordingly。　　He　has　a　square　head　and　jaw；　square
  shoulders；　square　hands　and　feet。　　He　is　red　and　white　and　solid
  and　stolid　and　slow…witted；　as　the　young　of　his　class　commonly　are；
  and　will　make　a　bulwark　of　the　nation　in　course　of　time；　I　should
  think；　for　England　has　to　produce　a　few　thousand　such　square　babies
  every　year　for　use　in　the　colonies　and　in　the　standing　army。
  Albert　Edward　has　already　a　military　gait；　and　when　he　has　acquired
  a　habit　of　obedience　at　all　comparable　with　his　power　of　command；
  he　will　be　able　to　take　up　the　white　man's　burden　with
  distinguished　success。　　Meantime　I　can　never　look　at　him　without
  marvelling　how　the　English　climate　can　transmute　bacon　and　eggs；
  tea　and　the　solid　household　loaf　into　such　radiant　roses　and　lilies
  as　bloom　upon　his　cheeks　and　lips。
  CHAPTER　III
  July　8th。
  Thornycroft　is　by　way　of　being　a　small　poultry　farm。
  In　reaching　it　from　Barbury　Green；　you　take　the　first　left…hand
  road；　go　till　you　drop；　and　there　you　are。
  It　reminds　me　of　my　〃grandmother's　farm　at　Older。〃　　Did　you　know
  the　song　when　you　were　a　child？　…
  My　grandmother　had　a　very　fine　farm
  'Way　down　in　the　fields　of　Older。
  With　a　cluck…cluck　here；
  And　a　cluck…cluck　there；
  Here　and　there　a　cluck…cluck；
  Cluck…cluck　here　and　there；
  Down　in　the　fields　at　Older。
  It　goes　on　for　ever　by　the　simple　subterfuge　of　changing　a　few
  words　in　each　verse。
  My　grandmother　had　a　very　fine　farm
  'Way　down　in　the　fields　of　Older。
  With　a　quack…quack　here；
  And　a　quack…quack　there；
  Here　and　there　a　quack…quack；
  Quack…quack　here　and　there；
  Down　in　the　fields　at　Older。
  This　is　followed　by　the　gobble…gobble；　moo…moo；　baa…baa；　etc。；　as
  long　as　the　laureate's　imagination　and　the　infant's　breath　hold
  good。　　The　tune　is　pretty；　and　I　do　not　know；　or　did　not；　when　I
  was　young；　a　more　fascinating　lyric。
  Thornycroft　House　must　have　belonged　to　a　country　gentleman　once
  upon　a　time；　or　to　more　than　one；　men　who　built　on　a　bit　here　and
  there　once　in　a　hundred　years；　until　finally　we　have　this
  charmingly　irregular　and　dilapidated　whole。　　You　go　up　three　steps
  into　Mrs。　Heaven's　room；　down　two　into　mine；　while　Phoebe's　is　up
  in　a　sort　of　turret　with　long；　narrow　lattices　opening　into　the
  creepers。　　There　are　crooked　little　stair…cases；　passages　that
  branch　off　into　other　passages　and　lead　nowhere　in　particular；　I
  can't　think　of　a　better　house　in　which　to　play　hide　and　seek　on　a
  wet　day。　　In　front；　what　was　once；　doubtless；　a　green；　is　cut　up
  into　greens；　to　wit；　a　vegetable　garden；　where　the　onions；　turnips；
  and　potatoes　grow　cosily　up　to　the　very　door…sill；　the　utilitarian
  aspect　of　it　all　being　varied　by　some　scarlet…runners　and　a
  scattering　of　poppies　on　either　side　of　the　path。
  The　Belgian　hares　have　their　habitation　in　a　corner　fifty　feet
  distant；　one　large　enclosure　for　poultry　lies　just　outside　the
  sweetbrier　hedge；　the　others；　with　all　the　houses　and　coops；　are　in
  the　meadow　at　the　back；　where　also　our　tumbler　pigeons　are　kept。
  Phoebe　attends　to　the　poultry；　it　is　her　department。　　Mr。　Heaven
  has　neither　the　force　nor　the　finesse　required；　and　the　gentle
  reader　who　thinks　these　qualities　unneeded　in　so　humble　a　calling
  has　only　to　spend　a　few　days　at　Thornycroft　to　be　convinced。　　Mrs。
  Heaven　would　be　of　use；　but　she　is　dressing　the　Square　Baby　in　the
  morning　and　putting　him　to　bed　at　night　just　at　the　hours　when　the
  feathered　young　things　are　undergoing　the　same　operation。
  A　Goose　Girl；　like　a　poet；　is　sometimes　born；　sometimes　otherwise。
  I　am　of　the　born　variety。　　No　training　was　necessary；　I　put　my　head
  on　my　pillow　as　a　complicated　product　of　modern　civilisation　on　a
  Tuesday　night；　and　on　a　Wednesday　morning　I　awoke　as　a　Goose　Girl。
  My　destiny　slumbered　during　the　day；　but　at　eight　o'clock　I　heard　a
  terrific　squawking　in　the　direction　of　the　duck…ponds；　and；
  aimlessly　drifting　in　that　direction；　I　came　upon　Phoebe　trying　to
  induce　ducks　and　drakes；　geese　and　ganders；　to　retire　for　the
  night。　　They　have　to　be　driven　into　enclosures　behind　fences　of
  wire　netting；　fastened　into　little　rat…proof　boxes；　or　shut　into
  separate　coops；　so　as　to　be　safe　from　their　natural　enemies；　the
  rats　and　foxes；　which；　obeying；　I　suppose；　the　law　of　supply　and
  demand；　abound　in　this　neighbourhood。　　The　old　ganders　are　allowed
  their　liberty；　being　of　such　age；　discretion；　sagacity；　and
  pugnacity　that　they　can　be　trusted　to　fight　their　own　battles。
  The　intelligence　of　hens；　though　modest；　is　of　such　an　order　that
  it　prompts　them　to　go　to　bed　at　a　virtuous　hour　of　their　own
  accord；　but　ducks　and　geese　have　to　be　materially　assisted；　or　I
  believe　they　would　roam　till　morning。　　Never　did　small　boy　detest
  and　resist　being　carried　off　to　his　nursery　as　these　dullards；
  young　and　old；　detest　and　resist　being　driven　to　theirs。　　Whether
  they　suffer　from　insomnia；　or　nightmare；　or　whether　they　simply
  prefer　the　sweet　air　of　liberty　（and　death）　to　the　odour　of
  captivity　and　the　coop；　I　have　no　means　of　knowing。
  Phoebe　stood　by　one　of　the　duck…ponds；