shall　always　be　insulted　by　every　louse；　that　is　my　doom！　　And
  what　is　it　to　me　that　you　don't　understand　a　word　of　this！　　And
  what　do　I　care；　what　do　I　care　about　you；　and　whether　you　go　to
  ruin　there　or　not？　　Do　you　understand？　　How　I　shall　hate　you　now
  after　saying　this；　for　having　been　here　and　listening。　　Why；　it's
  not　once　in　a　lifetime　a　man　speaks　out　like　this；　and　then　it　is
  in　hysterics！　。。。What　more　do　you　want？　　Why　do　you　still　stand
  confronting　me；　after　all　this？　　Why　are　you　worrying　me？　　Why
  don't　you　go？〃
  But　at　this　point　a　strange　thing　happened。　　I　was　so　accustomed
  to　think　and　imagine　everything　from　books；　and　to　picture
  everything　in　the　world　to　myself　just　as　I　had　made　it　up　in　my
  dreams　beforehand；　that　I　could　not　all　at　once　take　in　this
  strange　circumstance。　　What　happened　was　this：　Liza；　insulted　and
  crushed　by　me；　understood　a　great　deal　more　than　I　imagined。　　She
  understood　from　all　this　what　a　woman　understands　first　of　all；
  if　she　feels　genuine　love；　that　is；　that　I　was　myself　unhappy。
  The　frightened　and　wounded　expression　on　her　face　was　followed
  first　by　a　look　of　sorrowful　perplexity。　　When　I　began　calling
  myself　a　scoundrel　and　a　blackguard　and　my　tears　flowed　（the
  tirade　was　accompanied　throughout　by　tears）　her　whole　face　worked
  convulsively。　　She　was　on　the　point　of　getting　up　and　stopping
  me；　when　I　finished　she　took　no　notice　of　my　shouting：　〃Why　are
  you　here；　why　don't　you　go　away？〃　but　realised　only　that　it　must
  have　been　very　bitter　to　me　to　say　all　this。　　Besides；　she　was　so
  crushed；　poor　girl；　she　considered　herself　infinitely　beneath　me；
  how　could　she　feel　anger　or　resentment？　　She　suddenly　leapt　up
  from　her　chair　with　an　irresistible　impulse　and　held　out　her
  hands；　yearning　towards　me；　though　still　timid　and　not　daring　to
  stir。。。。　At　this　point　there　was　a　revulsion　in　my　heart　too。
  Then　she　suddenly　rushed　to　me；　threw　her　arms　round　me　and　burst
  into　tears。　　I；　too；　could　not　restrain　myself；　and　sobbed　as　I
  never　had　before。。。
  〃They　won't　let　me。。。I　can't　be。。。good！〃　I　managed　to　articulate；
  then　I　went　to　the　sofa；　fell　on　it　face　downwards；　and　sobbed　on
  it　for　a　quarter　of　an　hour　in　genuine　hysterics。　　She　came　close
  to　me；　put　her　arms　round　me　and　stayed　motionless　in　that
  position。　　But　the　trouble　was　that　the　hysterics　could　not　go　on
  for　ever；　and　（I　am　writing　the　loathsome　truth）　lying　face
  downwards　on　the　sofa　with　my　face　thrust　into　my　nasty　leather
  pillow；　I　began　by　degrees　to　be　aware　of　a　far…away；　involuntary
  but　irresistible　feeling　that　it　would　be　awkward　now　for　me　to
  raise　my　head　and　look　Liza　straight　in　the　face。　　Why　was　I
  ashamed？　　I　don't　know；　but　I　was　ashamed。　　The　thought；　too；
  came　into　my　overwrought　brain　that　our　parts　now　were　completely
  changed；　that　she　was　now　the　heroine；　while　I　was　just　a　crushed
  and　humiliated　creature　as　she　had　been　before　me　that
  nightfour　days　before。。。。　And　all　this　came　into　my　mind　during
  the　minutes　I　was　lying　on　my　face　on　the　sofa。
  My　God！　　surely　I　was　not　envious　of　her　then。
  I　don't　know；　to　this　day　I　cannot　decide；　and　at　the　time；　of
  course；　I　was　still　less　able　to　understand　what　I　was　feeling
  than　now。　　I　cannot　get　on　without　domineering　and　tyrannising
  over　someone；　but　。。。　there　is　no　explaining　anything　by
  reasoning　and　so　it　is　useless　to　reason。
  I　conquered　myself；　however；　and　raised　my　head；　I　had　to　do　so
  sooner　or　later。。。and　I　am　convinced　to　this　day　that　it　was　just
  became　I　was　ashamed　to　look　at　her　that　another　feeling　was
  suddenly　kindled　and　flamed　up　in　my　heart。。。a　feeling　of　mastery
  and　possession。　　My　eyes　gleamed　with　passion；　and　I　gripped　her
  hands　tightly。　　How　I　hated　her　and　how　I　was　drawn　to　her　at
  that　minute！　　The　one　feeling　intensified　the　other。　　It　was
  almost　like　an　act　of　vengeance。　　At　first　there　was　a　look　of
  amazement；　even　of　terror　on　her　face；　but　only　for　one　instant。
  She　warmly　and　rapturously　embraced　me。
  X
  A　quarter　of　an　hour　later　I　was　rushing　up　and　down　the　room　in
  frenzied　impatience；　from　minute　to　minute　I　went　up　to　the
  screen　and　peeped　through　the　crack　at　Liza。　　She　was　sitting　on
  the　floor　with　her　head　leaning　against　the　bed；　and　must　have
  been　crying。　　But　she　did　not　go　away；　and　that　irritated　me。
  This　time　she　understood　it　all。　　I　had　insulted　her　finally；
  but。。。there's　no　need　to　describe　it。　　She　realised　that　my
  outburst　of　passion　had　been　simply　revenge；　a　fresh　humiliation；
  and　that　to　my　earlier；　almost　causeless　hatred　was　added　now　a
  _personal　hatred_；　born　of　envy。。。。Though　I　do　not　maintain
  positively　that　she　understood　all　this　distinctly；　but　she
  certainly　did　fully　understand　that　I　was　a　despicable　man；　and
  what　was　worse；　incapable　of　loving　her。
  I　know　I　shall　be　told　that　this　is　incrediblebut　it　is
  incredible　to　be　as　spiteful　and　stupid　as　I　was；　it　may　be　added
  that　it　was　strange　I　should　not　love　her；　or　at　any　rate；
  appreciate　her　love。　　Why　is　it　strange？　　In　the　first　place；　by
  then　I　was　incapable　of　love；　for　I　repeat；　with　me　loving　meant
  tyrannising　and　showing　my　moral　superiority。　　I　have　never　in　my
  life　been　able　to　imagine　any　other　sort　of　love；　and　have
  nowadays　come　to　the　point　of　sometimes　thinking　that　love　really
  consists　in　the　rightfreely　given　by　the　beloved　objectto
  tyrannise　over　her。
  Even　in　my　underground　dreams　I　did　not　imagine　love　except　as　a
  struggle。　　I　began　it　always　with　hatred　and　ended　it　with　moral
  subjugation；　and　afterwards　I　never　knew　what　to　do　with　the
  subjugated　object。　　And　what　is　there　to　wonder　at　in　that；　since
  I　had　succeeded　in　so　corrupting　myself；　since　I　was　so　out　of
  touch　with　〃real　life；〃　as　to　have　actually　thought　of
  reproaching　her；　and　putting　her　to　shame　for　having　come　to　me
  to　hear　〃fine　sentiments〃；　and　did　not　even　guess　that　she　had
  come　not　to　hear　fine　sentiments；　but　to　love　me；　because　to　a
  woman　all　reformation；　all　salvation　from　any　sort　of　ruin；　and
  all　moral　renewal　is　included　in　love　and　can　only　show　itself　in
  that　form。
  I　did　not　hate　her　so　much；　however；　when　I　was　running　about　the
  room　and　peeping　through　the　crack　in　the　screen。　　I　was　only
  insufferably　oppressed　by　her　being　here。　　I　wanted　her　to
  disappear。　　I　wanted　〃peace；〃　to　be　left　alone　in　my　underground
  world。　　Real　life　oppressed　me　with　its　novelty　so　much　that　I
  could　hardly　breathe。
  But　several　minutes　passed　and　she　still　remained；　without
  stirring；　as　though　she　were　unconscious。　　I　had　the
  shamelessness　to　tap　softly　at　the　screen　as　though　to　remind
  her。。。。She　started；　sprang　up；　and　flew　to　seek　her　kerchief；　her
  hat；　her　coat；　as　though　making　her　escape　from　me。。。。Two　minutes
  later　she　came　from　behind　the　screen　and　looked　with　heavy　eyes
  at　me。　　I　gave　a　spiteful　grin；　which　was　forced；　however；　to
  _keep　up　appearances_；　and　I　turned　away　from　her　eyes。
  〃Good…bye；〃　she　said；　going　towards　the　door。
  I　ran　up　to　her；　seized　her　hand；　opened　it；　thrust　something　in
  it　and　closed　it　again。　　Then　I　turned　at　once　and　dashed　away　in
  haste　to　the　other　corner　of　the　room　to　avoid　seeing；　anyway。。。。
  I　did　mean　a　moment　since　to　tell　a　lieto　write　that　I　did　this
  accidentally；　not　knowing　what　I　was　doing　through　foolishness；
  through　losing　my　head。　　But　I　don't　want　to　lie；　and　so　I　will
  say　straight　out　that　I　opened　her　hand　and　put　the　money　in
  it。。。from　spite。　　It　came　into　my　head　to　do　this　while　I　was
  running　up　and　down　the　room　and　she　was　sitting　behind　the
  screen。　　But　this　I　can　say　for　certain：　though　I　did　that　cruel
  thing　purposely；　it　was　not　an　impulse　from　the　heart；　but　came
  from　my　evil　brain。　　This　cruelty　was　so　affected；　so　purposely
  made　up；　so　completely　a　product　of　the　brain；　of　books；　that　I
  could　not　even　keep　it　up　a　minutefirst　I　dashed　away　to　avoid
  seeing　her；　and　then　in　shame　and　despair　rushed　after　Liza。　　I
  opened　the　door　in　the　passage　and　began　listening。
  〃Liza！　　Liza！〃　I　cried　on　the　stairs；　but　in　a　low　voice；　not
  boldly。
  There　was　no　answer；　but　I　fancied　I　heard　her　footsteps；　lower
  down　on　the　stairs。
  〃Liza！〃　I　cried；　more　loudly。
  No　answer。　　But　at　that　minute　I　heard　the　stiff　outer　glass　door
  open　heavily　with　a　creak　and　slam　violently；　the　sound　echoed　up
  the　stairs。
  She　had　gone。　　I　went　back　to　my　room　in　hesitation。　　I　felt
  horribly　oppressed。
  I　stood　still　at　the　table；　beside　the　chair　on　which　she　had　sat
  and　looked　aimlessly　before　me。　　A　minute　passed；　suddenly　I
  started；　straight　before　me　on　the　table　I　saw　。。。。　In　short；　I
  saw　a　crumpled　blue　five…rouble　note；　the　one　I　had　thrust　into
  her　hand　a　minute　before。　　It　was　the　same　note；　it　could　be　no
  other；　there　was　no　other　in　the　flat。　　So　she　had　managed　to
  fling　it　from　her　hand　on　the　table　at　the　moment　when　I　had
  d