lonel　Blood　attempts　an　abduction。Endeavours　to　steal　the　regalia。The　king　converses　with　him。
  Prominent　among　the　courtiers；　and　foremost　amid　the　friends　of　his　majesty；　were　two　noblemen　distinguished　alike　for　their　physical　grace；　exceeding　wit；　and　notable　eccentricity。　　These　were　the　Earl　of　Rochester；　and　his　Grace　of　Buckingham；　gallants　both；　whose　respective　careers　were　so　intimately　connected　with　the　court　as　to　make　further　chronicle　of　them　necessary　in　these　pages。
  My　Lord　Rochester；　though　younger　in　years　than　the　duke；　was　superior　to　him　in　wit；　comeliness；　and　attraction。　　Nor　was　there　a　more　conspicuous　figure　observable　in　the　palace　of　Whitehall　than　this　same　earl；　who　was　ever　foremost　in　pursuit　of　such　pleasures　as　wine　begets　and　love　appeases。　　His　mirth　was　the　most　buoyant；　his　conversation　the　most　agreeable；　his　manner　the　most　engaging　in　the　world；　whence　he　became　〃the　delight　and　wonder　of　men；　the　love　and　dotage　of　women。〃　　A　courtier　possessed　of　so　happy　a　disposition；　and　endowed　with　such　brilliant　talents；　could　not　fail　in　pleasing　the　king；　who　vastly　enjoyed　his　society；　but　was　occasionally　obliged　to　banish　his　person　from　court；　when　his　eccentric　conduct　rendered　him　intolerable；　or　his　bitter　satire　aimed　at　royalty。　　For　it　was　given　no　other　man　in　his　age　to　blend　merry　wit　and　caustic　ridicule　so　happily　together；　therefore　those　who　read　his　lines　were　forced　to　laugh　at　his　fancy；　even　whilst　hurt　by　his　irony。
  Now　in　order　to　keep　this　talent　in　constant　practice；　he　was　wont　to　celebrate　in　inimitable　verse　such　events；　be　they　private　or　public；　as　happened　at　court；　or　befell　the　courtiers；　and　inasmuch　as　his　subjects　were　frequently　of　a　licentious　nature；　his　lines　were　generally　of　a　scandalous　character。　　He　therefore　became　the　public　censor　of　court　folly；　and　so　unerringly　did　his　barbed　shafts　hit　the　weaknesses　at　which　they　aimed；　that　his　productions　were　equally　the　terror　of　those　he　victimized；　and　the　delight　of　those　he　spared。
  This　liberal　use　of　satire　he　was　wont　to　excuse　on　the　plea　there　were　some　who　could　not　be　kept　in　order；　or　admonished；　by　other　means。　　Therefore；　having　the　virtue　of　his　friends　keenly　at　heart；　an　ingenious　plan　occurred　to　him　by　which　he　might　secretly　discover　their　vices；　and　publicly　reprove　them。　　In　order　that　he　might　fulfil　this　purpose　to　his　greater　satisfaction；　he　promptly　sought　and　found　a　footman；　who；　by　virtue　of　his　employment；　was　well　acquainted　with　the　courtiers。　This　man　the　〃noble　and　beautiful　earl〃　furnished　with　a　red　coat　and　a　musket；　that　he　might　pass　as　a　sentinel；　and　then　placed　him　every　night　throughout　one　winter　at　the　doors　of　certain　ladies　of　quality　whom　he　suspected　of　carrying　on　intrigues。
  In　this　disguise　the　footman　readily　passed　as　a　soldier　stationed　at　his　post　by　command　of　his　officer；　and　was　thus　enabled　to　note　what　gentlemen　called　on　the　suspected　ladies　at　unreasonable　but　not　unfashionable　hours。　　Accordingly；　my　lord　made　many　surprising　discoveries；　and　when　he　had　gained　sufficient　information　on　such　delicate　points；　he　quietly　retired　into　the　country；　that　he　might　with　greater　ease　devote　himself　to　the　composition　of　those　lively　verses　which　he　subsequently　circulated　through　the　court；　to　the　wonder　and　dismay　of　many；　and　the　delight　and　profit　of　few。
  To　these　lampoons　no　name　was　attached；　and　my　lord　took　precautions　that　their　authorship　should　not　be　satisfactorily　proved；　no　matter　how　sagely　suspected。　　Moreover；　in　his　conversation　he　was　judicious　enough　to　keep　the　weapon　of　his　satire　in　reserve；　sheathing　its　fatal　keenness　in　a　bewitching　softness　of　civility　until　occasion　required　its　use；　when　forth　it　flashed　all　the　brighter　for　its　covering；　all　the　sharper　for　its　rest。　　And　satire　being　absent　from　his　speech；　humour　ever　waited　on　his　words；　and　never　was　he　more　extravagantly　gay　than　when　assisting　at　the　pleasant　suppers　given　by　the　merry　monarch　to　his　choicest　friends。
  Here；　whilst　drinking　deep　of　ruddy　wine　from　goblets　of　old　gold；　he　narrated　his　strange　experiences；　and　illustrated　them　with　flashes　of　his　wit。　　for　it　was　the　habit　of　this　eccentric　earl；　when　refinements　of　the　court　began　to　pall　upon　him；　or　his　absence　from　Whitehall　became　a　necessity；　to　seek　fresh　adventure　and　intrigue　disguised　as　a　porter；　a　beggar；　or　a　ballad…monger。　　And　so　carefully　did　he　hide　his　identity　in　the　character　he　assumed；　that　his　most　intimate　friends　failed　to　recognise　his　personality。
  No　doubt　the　follies　in　which　he　indulged　were　in　some　measure　due　to　the　eccentricity　ever　attendant　upon　genius；　but　they　were　probably　likewise　occasioned　by　craving　for　excitement　begotten　of　drink。　　For　my　lord　loved　wine　exceedingly；　and　when　he　drew　near　unto　death　in　the　dawn　of　his　manhood；　confessed　to　Bishop　Burnet　that　for　five　years　he　was　continually　drunk：　　〃Not　that　he　was　all　the　while　under　the　visible　effects　of　it；　but　his　blood　was　so　inflamed；　that　he　was　not　in　all　that　time　cool　enough　to　be　perfectly　master　of　himself。〃　　Charles　delighted　in　the　society　of　this　gay　courtier；　because　of　his　erratic　adventures；　and　his　love　of　wine。　　Moreover；　the　licentious　verses　which　it　was　the　earl's　good　pleasure　to　compose；　the　names　of　some　of　which　no　decent　lips　would　whisper　in　this　age　of　happy　innocence；　afforded　the　monarch　extravagant　enjoyment。　Withal　his　majesty's　satisfaction　in　Lord　Rochester's　wit　was　not　always　to　be　counted　upon；　as　it　proved。　　For　it　came　to　pass　one　night　at　the　close　of　a　royal　supper；　during　which　the　earl　had　drunk　deep；　that　with　great　goodwill　to　afford　the　king　diversion；　he　handed　his　majesty　what　he　believed　was　a　satire　on　a　courtier；　more　remarkable　for　its　humour　than　its　decency。　Whereon　Charles；　with　anticipation　of　much　delight；　opened　the　folded　page；　when　he　was　surprised　to　see；　not　a　copy　of　verses；　but　an　unflattering　description　of　himself；　which　ran　as　follows：
  〃Here　lies　our　mutton…eating　king；　　Whose　word　no　man　relies　on；　　Who　never　said　a　foolish　thing；　　And　never　did　a　wise　one。〃
  Now　the　king；　though　the　best　tempered　of　men　and　most　lenient　of　masters；　was　naturally　wrathful　at　this　verbal　character：　　the　more　so　because　recognising　its　faithfulness　at　a　glance。　　He　therefore　upbraided　Rochester　with　ingratitude；　and　banished　him　from　the　court。
  Nothing　dismayed；　my　lord　retired　into　the　country；　but　in　a　short　time；　growing　weary　of　pastoral　solitude　which　gave　him　an　appetite　for　adventure　it　could　not　wholly　supply；　he　returned　privately　to　town；　and　assuming　a　disguise；　took　up　his　residence　in　the　city。　　Here　exercising　his　characteristic　tact；　and　great　capacity　for　pleasing；　he　speedily　made　friends　with　wealthy　merchants　and　worthy　aldermen；　who　subsequently　invited　him　to　their　hospitable　tables；　and　introduced　him　to　their　gracious　ladies。
  And　as　his　conversation　had　not　failed　to　delight　the　husbands；　neither　were　his　charms　unsuccessful　in　affording　satisfaction　to　their　wives。　　To　the　one　he　railed　against　the　impotence　of　the　king's　ministers；　to　the　other　he　declaimed　upon　the　wickedness　of　his　majesty's　mistresses；　and　to　both　his　denunciations　were　equally　sincere　and　acceptable。　　But　his　bitterest　words　were　reserved　for　such　courtiers　as　Rochester；　Buckingham；　and　Killigrew；　whose　dissipated　lives　were　the　scandal　of　all　honest　men；　the　terror　of　all　virtuous　women：　　insolent　fellows；　moreover；　who　had　the　impudence　to　boast　that　city　ladies　were　not　so　faithful　to　their　husbands　as　was　generally　supposed；　and；　moreover；　the　boldness　to　assert　that　they　painted。　　Indeed；　he　marvelled　much；　that　since　such　men　were　frequenters　of　Whitehall；　sacred　fire　from　heaven　had　not　long　since　descended　and　consumed　the　royal　palace　to　ashes。　　Such　virtuous　sentiments　as　these；　expressed　by　so　gallant　a　man；　made　him　acceptable　in　many　homes：　　and　the　result　was　he　speedily　became　surfeited　by　banquets；　suppers；　and　other　hospitalities；　to　which　the　excellent　but　credulous　citizens　bade　him　heartily　welcome。
  He　therefore　disappeared　from　their　midst　one　day　as　suddenly　and　unaccountably　as　he　had　come　amongst　them。　　He　did　not；　however；　take　himself　afar；　but　donning　a　new　disguise；　retreated　to　a　more　distant　part　of　the　city：　　for　an　idea　had　occurred　to　him　which　he　determined　speedily　to　put　in　practice。　　This　was　to　assume　the　character　and　bearing　of　a　sage　astrologer　and　learned　physician；　at　once　capable　of　reading　the　past；　and　laying　bare　the　future　of　all　who　consulted　him；　also　of　healing　diseases　of　and　preventing　mishaps　to　such　as　visited　him。　　Accordingly；　having　taken　lodgings　in　Tower　Street；　at　a　goldsmith's　house；　situated　next　the　Black　Swan；　he　prepared　himself　for　practice；　adopted　the　title　of　doctor；　the　name　of　Alexander　Bendo；　and　issued　bills　headed　by　the　royal　arms；　containing　the　most　remarkable　and　impudent　manifesto　perhaps　ever　set　forth　by　any　impostor。
  Copies　of　this　may　yet　be　seen　in　early　editions　of　his　works。　It　was　addressed　to　all　gentlemen；　ladies；　and　others；　whether　of　the　city；　town；　or　country；　to　whom　Alexander　Bendo　wished　health　and　prosperity。　　He　had　come　amongst　them　be