第 45 节
作者:无边的寒冷      更新:2022-11-18 17:11      字数:9324
  contrary to my usual practice; im going to write you a detailed description of the food situation; since its bee a matter of some difficulty and importance; not only here in the annex; but in all of holland; all of europe and even beyond。
  in the twenty…one months weve lived here; weve been through a good many 〃food cycles〃  youll understand what that means in a moment。 a 〃food cycle〃 is a period in which we have only one particular dish or type of vegetable to eat。 for a long time we ate nothing but endive。 endive with sand; endive without sand; endive with mashed potatoes; endive…and…mashed potato casserole。 then it was spinach; followed by kohlrabi; salsify; cucumbers; tomatoes; sauerkraut; etc。; etc。
  its not much fun when you have to eat; say; sauer… kraut every day for lunch and dinner; but when youre hungry enough; you do a lot of things。 now; however; were going through the most delightful period so far; because there are no vegetables at all。
  our weekly lunch menu consists of brown beans; split…pea soup; potatoes with dumplings; potato kugel and; by the grace of god; turnip greens or rotten carrots; and then its back to brown beans。 because of the bread shortage; we eat potatoes at every meal; starting with breakfast; but then we fry them a little。 to make soup we use brown beans; navy beans; potatoes; packages of vege… table soup; packages of chicken soup and packages of bean soup。 there are brown beans in everything; including the bread。 for dinner we always have potatoes with imitation gravy and  thank goodness weve still got it  beet salad。 i must tell you about the dumplings。
  we make them with government…issue flour; water and yeast。 theyre so gluey and tough that it feels as if you had rocks in your stomach; but oh well!
  the high point is our weekly slice of liverwurst; and the jam on our unbuttered bread。
  but were still alive; and much of the time it still tastes good too!
  yours; anne
  m。 frank
  wednesday; april 5; 1944
  my dearest kitty;
  for a long time now i didnt know why i was bothering to do any schoolwork。 the end of the war still seemed so far away; so unreal; like a fairy tale。 if the war isnt over by september; i wont go back to school; since i dont want to be two years behind。
  peter filled my days; nothing but peter; dreams and thoughts until saturday night; when i felt so utterly miserable; oh; it was awful。 i held back my tears when i was with peter; laughed uproariously with the van daans as we drank lemon punch and was cheerful and excited; but the minute i was alone i knew i was going to cry my eyes out。 i slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers; very fervently。 then i drew my knees to my chest; lay my head on my arms and cried; all huddled up on the bare floor。 a loud sob brought me back down to earth; and i choked back my tears; since i didnt want anyone next door to hear me。 then i tried to pull myself together; saying over and over; 〃i must; i must; i must。 。 。 〃 stiff from sitting in such an unusual position; i fell back against the side of the bed and kept up my struggle until just before ten…thirty; when i climbed back into bed。 it was over!
  and now its really over。 i finally realized that i must do my schoolwork to keep from being ignorant; to get on in life; to bee a journalist; because thats what i want! i know i can write。 a few of my stories are good; my descriptions of the secret annex are humorous; much of my diary is vivid and alive; but。 。 。 it remains to be seen whether i really have talent。
  〃evas dream〃 is my best fairy tale; and the odd thing is that i dont have the faintest idea where it came from。 parts of 〃cadys life〃 are also good; but as a whole its nothing special。 im my best and harshest critic。 i know whats good and what isnt。
  unless you write yourself; you cant know how wonderful it is; i always used to bemoan the fact that i couldnt draw; but now im overjoyed that at least i can write。
  and if i dont have the talent to write books or newspaper articles; i can always write for myself。 but i want to achieve more than that。 i cant imagine having to live like mother; mrs。 van daan and all the women who go about their work and are then forgotten。 i need to have something besides a husband and children to devote myself to! i dont want to have lived in vain like most people。 i want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people; even those ive never met。 i want to go on living even after my death! and thats why im so grateful to god for having given me this gift; which i can use to develop myself and to express all thats inside me!
  when i write i can shake off all my cares。 my sor… row disappears; my spirits are
  revived! but; and thats a big question; will i ever be able to write something great; will i ever bee a journalist or a writer?
  i hope so; oh; i hope so very much; because writing allows me to record everything; all my thoughts; ideals and fantasies。
  i havent worked on 〃cadys life〃 for ages。 in my mind ive worked out exactly what happens next; but the story doesnt seem to be ing along very well。 i might never finish it; and itll wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove。 thats a horrible thought; but then i say to myself; 〃at the age of fourteen and with so little experience; you cant write about philosophy。鈥?br />
  so onward and upward; with renewed spirits。 itll all work out; because im determined to write!
  yours; anne
  m。 frank
  thursday; april 6; 1944
  dearest kitty;
  you asked me what my hobbies and interests are and id like to answer; but id better warn you; i have lots of them; so dont be surprised。
  first of all: writing; but i dont really think of that as a hobby。
  number two: genealogical charts。 im looking in every newspaper; book and document i can find for the family trees of the french; german; spanish; english; austrian; russian; norwegian and dutch royal famthes。 ive made great progress with many of them; because for ! a long time ive been taking notes while reading biogra… i; phies or history books。 i even copy out many of the passages on history。
  so my third hobby is history; and fathers already bought me numerous books。 i can hardly wait for the day when ill be able to go to the public library and ferret out iii the information i need。
  number four is greek and roman mythology。 i have various books on this subject too。
  i can name the nine muses and the seven loves of zeus。 i have the wives of hercules; etc。; etc。; down pat。
  my other hobbies are movie stars and family photographs。 im crazy about reading and
  books。 i adore the history of the arts; especially when it concerns writers; poets and painters; musicians may e later。 i loathe algebra; geometry and arithmetic。 i enjoy all my other school subjects; but historys my favorite!
  yours; anne
  m。 frank
  tuesday; april 11; 1944
  my dearest kitty;
  my heads in a whirl; i really dont know where to begin。 thursday (the last time i wrote you) everything was as usual。 friday afternoon (good friday) we played monopoly; saturday afternoon too。 the days passed very quickly。 around two oclock on saturday; heavy firing ii began…machine guns; according to the men。 for the rest; everything was quiet。
  sunday afternoon peter came to see me at four…thirty; at my invitation。 at five…fifteen we went to the ii front attic; where we stayed until six。 there was a beautil ful mozart concert on the radio from six to seven…fifteen; i especially enjoyed the kleine nachtmusik。 i can hardly bear to listen in the kitchen; since beautiful music stirs me to the very depths of my soul。 sunday evening peter couldnt take his balli; because the washtub was down in the office kitchen; filled with laundry。 the two of us went to the front attic together; and in order to be able to sit fortably; i took along the only cushion i could find in my room。 we seated ourselves on a packing crate。 since both the crate and the cushion were very narrow; we were sitting quite close; leaning against two other crates; mouschi kept us pany; so we werent without a chaperon。 suddenly; at a quarter to nine; mr。 van daan whistled and asked if we had mr。 dussels cushion。 we jumped up and went downstairs willi the cushion; the cat and mr。 van daan。 this cushion was the source of much misery。 dussel was angry because id taken the one he uses as a pillow; and he was afraid it might be covered with fleas; he had the entire house in an uproar because of this one cushion。 in revenge; peter and i stuck two hard brushes in his bed; but had to take them out again when dussel unexpectedly decided to go sit in his room。 we had a really good laugh at this little intermezzo。
  but our fun was short…lived。 at nine…thirty peter knocked gently on the door and asked father to e upstairs and help him with a difficult english sentence。
  〃that sounds fishy;〃 i said to margot。 〃its obviously a pretext。 you can tell by the way the men are talking that theres been a break…in!〃 i was right。 the warehouse was being broken into at that very moment。 father; mr。 van daan and peter were
  downstairs in a flash。 margot; mother; mrs。 van d。 and i waited。 four frightened women need to talk; so thats what we did until we heard a bang downstairs。 after that all was quiet。