And　before　our　staring　eyes　could　blink　she　had　passed　out　of　the　room；　Basil　holding　the　door　open　for　her。
  He　turned　to　Greenwood　with　a　relapse　into　joviality。　〃This　will　be　a　relief　to　you；〃　he　said。
  〃Yes；　it　will；〃　replied　that　immovable　young　gentleman　with　a　face　like　a　sphinx。
  We　found　ourselves　outside　in　the　dark　blue　night；　shaken　and　dazed　as　if　we　had　fallen　into　it　from　some　high　tower。
  〃Basil；〃　said　Rupert　at　last；　in　a　weak　voice；　〃I　always　thought　you　were　my　brother。　But　are　you　a　man？　I　meanare　you　only　a　man？〃
  〃At　present；〃　replied　Basil；　〃my　mere　humanity　is　proved　by　one　of　the　most　unmistakable　symbolshunger。　We　are　too　late　for　the　theatre　in　Sloane　Square。　But　we　are　not　too　late　for　the　restaurant。　Here　comes　the　green　omnibus！〃　and　he　had　leaped　on　it　before　we　could　speak。
  As　I　said；　it　was　months　after　that　Rupert　Grant　suddenly　entered　my　room；　swinging　a　satchel　in　his　hand　and　with　a　general　air　of　having　jumped　over　the　garden　wall；　and　implored　me　to　go　with　him　upon　the　latest　and　wildest　of　his　expeditions。　He　proposed　to　himself　no　less　a　thing　than　the　discovery　of　the　actual　origin；　whereabouts；　and　headquarters　of　the　source　of　all　our　joys　and　sorrowsthe　Club　of　Queer　Trades。　I　should　expand　this　story　for　ever　if　I　explained　how　ultimately　we　ran　this　strange　entity　to　its　lair。　The　process　meant　a　hundred　interesting　things。　The　tracking　of　a　member；　the　bribing　of　a　cabman；　the　fighting　of　roughs；　the　lifting　of　a　paving　stone；　the　finding　of　a　cellar；　the　finding　of　a　cellar　below　the　cellar；　the　finding　of　the　subterranean　passage；　the　finding　of　the　Club　of　Queer　Trades。
  I　have　had　many　strange　experiences　in　my　life；　but　never　a　stranger　one　than　that　I　felt　when　I　came　out　of　those　rambling；　sightless；　and　seemingly　hopeless　passages　into　the　sudden　splendour　of　a　sumptuous　and　hospitable　dining…room；　surrounded　upon　almost　every　side　by　faces　that　I　knew。　There　was　Mr　Montmorency；　the　Arboreal　House…Agent；　seated　between　the　two　brisk　young　men　who　were　occasionally　vicars；　and　always　Professional　Detainers。　There　was　Mr　P。　G。　Northover；　founder　of　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency。　There　was　Professor　Chadd；　who　invented　the　dancing　Language。
  As　we　entered；　all　the　members　seemed　to　sink　suddenly　into　their　chairs；　and　with　the　very　action　the　vacancy　of　the　presidential　seat　gaped　at　us　like　a　missing　tooth。
  〃The　president's　not　here；〃　said　Mr　P。　G。　Northover；　turning　suddenly　to　Professor　Chadd。
  〃Nno；〃　said　the　philosopher；　with　more　than　his　ordinary　vagueness。　〃I　can't　imagine　where　he　is。〃
  〃Good　heavens；〃　said　Mr　Montmorency；　jumping　up；　〃I　really　feel　a　little　nervous。　I'll　go　and　see。〃　And　he　ran　out　of　the　room。
  An　instant　after　he　ran　back　again；　twittering　with　a　timid　ecstasy。
  〃He's　there；　gentlemenhe's　there　all　righthe's　coming　in　now；〃　he　cried；　and　sat　down。　Rupert　and　I　could　hardly　help　feeling　the　beginnings　of　a　sort　of　wonder　as　to　who　this　person　might　be　who　was　the　first　member　of　this　insane　brotherhood。　Who；　we　thought　indistinctly；　could　be　maddest　in　this　world　of　madmen：　what　fantastic　was　it　whose　shadow　filled　all　these　fantastics　with　so　loyal　an　expectation？
  Suddenly　we　were　answered。　The　door　flew　open　and　the　room　was　filled　and　shaken　with　a　shout；　in　the　midst　of　which　Basil　Grant；　smiling　and　in　evening　dress；　took　his　seat　at　the　head　of　the　table。
  How　we　ate　that　dinner　I　have　no　idea。　In　the　common　way　I　am　a　person　particularly　prone　to　enjoy　the　long　luxuriance　of　the　club　dinner。　But　on　this　occasion　it　seemed　a　hopeless　and　endless　string　of　courses。　Hors…d'oeuvre　sardines　seemed　as　big　as　herrings；　soup　seemed　a　sort　of　ocean；　larks　were　ducks；　ducks　were　ostriches　until　that　dinner　was　over。　The　cheese　course　was　maddening。　I　had　often　heard　of　the　moon　being　made　of　green　cheese。　That　night　I　thought　the　green　cheese　was　made　of　the　moon。　And　all　the　time　Basil　Grant　went　on　laughing　and　eating　and　drinking；　and　never　threw　one　glance　at　us　to　tell　us　why　he　was　there；　the　king　of　these　capering　idiots。
  At　last　came　the　moment　which　I　knew　must　in　some　way　enlighten　us；　the　time　of　the　club　speeches　and　the　club　toasts。　Basil　Grant　rose　to　his　feet　amid　a　surge　of　songs　and　cheers。
  〃Gentlemen；〃　he　said；　〃it　is　a　custom　in　this　society　that　the　president　for　the　year　opens　the　proceedings　not　by　any　general　toast　of　sentiment；　but　by　calling　upon　each　member　to　give　a　brief　account　of　his　trade。　We　then　drink　to　that　calling　and　to　all　who　follow　it。　It　is　my　business；　as　the　senior　member；　to　open　by　stating　my　claim　to　membership　of　this　club。　Years　ago；　gentlemen；　I　was　a　judge；　I　did　my　best　in　that　capacity　to　do　justice　and　to　administer　the　law。　But　it　gradually　dawned　on　me　that　in　my　work；　as　it　was；　I　was　not　touching　even　the　fringe　of　justice。　I　was　seated　in　the　seat　of　the　mighty；　I　was　robed　in　scarlet　and　ermine；　nevertheless；　I　held　a　small　and　lowly　and　futile　post。　I　had　to　go　by　a　mean　rule　as　much　as　a　postman；　and　my　red　and　gold　was　worth　no　more　than　his。　Daily　there　passed　before　me　taut　and　passionate　problems；　the　stringency　of　which　I　had　to　pretend　to　relieve　by　silly　imprisonments　or　silly　damages；　while　I　knew　all　the　time；　by　the　light　of　my　living　common　sense；　that　they　would　have　been　far　better　relieved　by　a　kiss　or　a　thrashing；　or　a　few　words　of　explanation；　or　a　duel；　or　a　tour　in　the　West　Highlands。　Then；　as　this　grew　on　me；　there　grew　on　me　continuously　the　sense　of　a　mountainous　frivolity。　Every　word　said　in　the　court；　a　whisper　or　an　oath；　seemed　more　connected　with　life　than　the　words　I　had　to　say。　Then　came　the　time　when　I　publicly　blasphemed　the　whole　bosh；　was　classed　as　a　madman　and　melted　from　public　life。〃
  Something　in　the　atmosphere　told　me　that　it　was　not　only　Rupert　and　I　who　were　listening　with　intensity　to　this　statement。
  〃Well；　I　discovered　that　I　could　be　of　no　real　use。　I　offered　myself　privately　as　a　purely　moral　judge　to　settle　purely　moral　differences。　Before　very　long　these　unofficial　courts　of　honour　（kept　strictly　secret）　had　spread　over　the　whole　of　society。　People　were　tried　before　me　not　for　the　practical　trifles　for　which　nobody　cares；　such　as　committing　a　murder；　or　keeping　a　dog　without　a　licence。　My　criminals　were　tried　for　the　faults　which　really　make　social　life　impossible。　They　were　tried　before　me　for　selfishness；　or　for　an　impossible　vanity；　or　for　scandalmongering；　or　for　stinginess　to　guests　or　dependents。　Of　course　these　courts　had　no　sort　of　real　coercive　powers。　The　fulfilment　of　their　punishments　rested　entirely　on　the　honour　of　the　ladies　and　gentlemen　involved；　including　the　honour　of　the　culprits。　But　you　would　be　amazed　to　know　how　completely　our　orders　were　always　obeyed。　Only　lately　I　had　a　most　pleasing　example。　A　maiden　lady　in　South　Kensington　whom　I　had　condemned　to　solitary　confinement　for　being　the　means　of　breaking　off　an　engagement　through　backbiting；　absolutely　refused　to　leave　her　prison；　although　some　well…meaning　persons　had　been　inopportune　enough　to　rescue　her。〃
  Rupert　Grant　was　staring　at　his　brother；　his　mouth　fallen　agape。　So；　for　the　matter　of　that；　I　expect；　was　I。　This；　then；　was　the　explanation　of　the　old　lady's　strange　discontent　and　her　still　stranger　content　with　her　lot。　She　was　one　of　the　culprits　of　his　Voluntary　Criminal　Court。　She　was　one　of　the　clients　of　his　Queer　Trade。
  We　were　still　dazed　when　we　drank；　amid　a　crash　of　glasses；　the　health　of　Basil's　new　judiciary。　We　had　only　a　confused　sense　of　everything　having　been　put　right；　the　sense　men　will　have　when　they　come　into　the　presence　of　God。　We　dimly　heard　Basil　say：
  〃Mr　P。　G。　Northover　will　now　explain　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency。〃
  And　we　heard　equally　dimly　Northover　beginning　the　statement　he　had　made　long　ago　to　Major　Brown。　Thus　our　epic　ended　where　it　had　begun；　like　a　true　cycle。
  End