dreamed　of。　　The　conditions　of　the　day　of　which　I　speak　are　interestingly　shown　in　the　experience　of　our　friend　Hawkins　here。　　Captain　Hawkins；　would　you　have　any　objection　to　stating　to　these　gentlemen　the　condition　of　affairs　which　led　you　to　give　up　piracy　on　the　high　seas？〃
  〃Not　the　slightest；　Captain　Kidd；〃　returned　Captain　Hawkins；　who　was　a　recent　arrival　in　Hades。　　〃It　is　a　sad　little　story；　and　it　gives　me　a　pain　for　to　think　on　it；　but　none　the　less　I'll　tell　it；　since　you　ask　me。　　When　I　were　a　mere　boy；　fellow…pirates；　I　had　but　one　ambition；　due　to　my　readin'；　which　was　confined　to　stories　of　a　Sunday…school　naterto　become　somethin'　different　from　the　little　Willies　an'　the　clever　Tommies　what　I　read　about　therein。　　They　was　all　good；　an'　they　went　to　their　reward　too　soon　in　life　for　me；　who　even　in　them　days　regarded　death　as　a　stuffy　an'　unpleasant　diversion。　　Learnin'　at　an　early　period　that　virtue　was　its　only　reward；　an'　a…wish…in'　others；　I　says　to　myself：　　'Jim；'　says　I；　'if　you　wishes　to　become　a　magnet　in　this　village；　be　sinful。　　If　so　be　as　you　are　a　good　boy；　an'　kind　to　your　sister　an'　all　other　animals；　you'll　end　up　as　a　prosperous　father　with　fifteen　hundred　a　year　sure；　with　never　no　hope　for　no　public　preferment　beyond　bein'　made　the　super…intendent　of　the　Sunday…school；　but　if　so　be　as　how　you're　bad；　you　may　become　famous；　an'　go　to　Congress；　an'　have　your　picture　in　the　Sunday　noospapers。'　　So　I　looks　around　for　books　tellin'　how　to　get　'Famous　in　Fifty　Ways；'　an'　after　due　reflection　I　settles　in　my　mind　that　to　be　a　pirate's　just　the　thing　for　me；　seein'　as　how　it's　both　profitable　an'　healthy。　　Pass…in'　over　details；　let　me　tell　you　that　I　became　a　pirate。　　I　ran　away　to　sea；　an'　by　dint　of　perseverance；　as　the　Sunday…school　book　useter　say；　in　my　badness　I　soon　became　the　centre　of　a　evil　lot；　an'　when　I　says　to　'em；　'Boys；　I　wants　to　be　a　pirate　chief；'　they　hollers　back；　loud　like；　'Jim；　we're　with　you；'　an'　they　was。　　For　years　I　was　the　terror　of　the　Venezuelan　Gulf；　the　Spanish　Main；　an'　the　Pacific　seas；　but　there　was　precious　little　money　into　it。　　The　best　pay　I　got　was　from　a　Sunday　noospaper　which　paid　me　well　to　sign　an　article　on　'Modern　Piracy'　which　I　didn't　write。　　Finally　business　got　so　bad　the　crew　began　to　murmur；　an'　I　was　at　my　wits'　ends　to　please　'em；　when　one　mornin'；　havin'　passed　a　restless　night；　I　picks　up　a　noospaper　and　sees　in　it　that　'Next　Saturday's　steamer　is　a　weritable　treasure…　ship；　takin'　out　twelve　million　dollars；　and　the　jewels　of　a　certain　prima　donna　valued　at　five　hundred　thousand。'　　'Here's　my　chance；'　says　I；　an'　I　goes　to　sea　and　lies　in　wait　for　the　steamer。　　I　captures　her　easy；　my　crew　bein'　hungry；　an'　fightin　according　like。　We　steals　the　box　a…hold…in'　the　jewels　an'　the　bag　containin'　the　millions；　hustles　back　to　our　own　ship；　an'　makes　for　our　rondyvoo；　me　with　two　bullets　in　my　leg；　four　o'　my　crew　killed；　and　one　engin'　of　my　ship　disabled　by　a　shotbut　happy。　　Twelve　an'　a　half　millions　at　one　break　is　enough　to　make　anybody　happy。〃
  〃I　should　say　so；〃　said　Abeuchapeta；　with　an　ecstatic　shake　of　his　head。　　〃I　didn't　get　that　in　all　my　career。〃
  〃Nor　I；〃　sighed　Kidd。　　〃But　go　on；　Hawkins。〃
  〃Well；　as　I　says；〃　continued　Captain　Hawkins；　〃we　goes　to　the　rondyvoo　to　look　over　our　booty。　　'Captain　'Awkins；'　says　my　valet　for　I　was　a　swell　pirate；　gents；　an'　never　travelled　nowhere　without　a　man　to　keep　my　clothes　brushed　and　the　proper　wrinkles　in　my　trousers'this　'ere　twelve　millions；'　says　he；　'is　werry　light；'　says　he；　carryin'　the　bag　ashore。　　'I　don't　care　how　light　it　is；　so　long　as　it's　twelve　millions；　Henderson；'　says　I；　but　my　heart　sinks　inside　o'　me　at　his　words；　an'　the　minute　we　lands　I　sits　down　to　investigate　right　there　on　the　beach。　　I　opens　the　bag；　an'　it's　the　one　I　was　afterbut　the　twelve　millions！〃
  〃Weren't　there？〃　cried　Conrad。
  〃Yes；　they　was　there；〃　sighed　Hawkins；　〃but　every　bloomin'　million　was　represented　by　a　certified　check；　an'　payable　in　London！〃
  〃By　Jingo！〃　cried　Morgan。　　〃What　fearful　luck！　　But　you　had　the　prima　donna's　jewels。〃
  〃Yes；〃　said　Hawkins；　with　a　moan。　　〃But　they　was　like　all　other　prima　donna's　jewelsfor　advertisin'　purposes　only；　an'　made　o'　gum…　arabic！〃
  〃Horrible！〃　said　Abeuchapeta。　　〃And　the　crew；　what　did　they　say？〃
  〃They　was　a　crew　of　a　few　words；〃　sighed　Hawkins。　　〃Werry　few　words；　an'　not　a　civil　word　in　the　lotmostly　adjectives　of　a　profane　kind。　When　I　told　'em　what　had　happened；　they　got　mad　at　Fortune　for　a…　jiltin'　of　'em；　an'well；　I　came　here。　　I　was　'sas'inated　that　werry　night！〃
  〃They　killed　you？〃　cried　Morgan。
  〃A　dozen　times；〃　nodded　Hawkins。　　〃They　always　was　a　lavish　lot。　　I　met　death　in　all　its　most　horrid　forms。　　First　they　stabbed　me；　then　they　shot　me；　then　they　clubbed　me；　and　so　on；　endin'　up　with　a　lynchin'but　I　didn't　mind　much　after　the　first；　which　hurt　a　bit。　But　now　that　I'm　here　I'm　glad　it　happened。　　This　life　is　sort　of　less　responsible　than　that　other。　　You　can't　hurt　a　ghost　by　shooting　him；　because　there　ain't　nothing　to　hurt；　an'　I　must　say　I　like　bein'　a　mere　vision　what　everybody　can　see　through。〃
  〃All　of　which　interesting　tale　proves　what？〃　queried　Abeuchapeta。
  〃That　piracy　on　the　sea　is　not　profitable　in　these　days　of　the　check　banking　system；〃　said　Kidd。　　〃If　you　can　get　a　chance　at　real　gold　it's　all　right；　but　it's　of　no　earthly　use　to　steal　checks　that　people　can　stop　payment　on。　　Therefore　it　was　my　plan　to　visit　the　cities　and　do　a　little　freebooting　there；　where　solid　material　wealth　is　to　be　found。〃
  〃Well？　　Can't　we　do　it　now？〃　asked　Abeuchapeta。
  〃Not　with　these　women　tagging　after　us；〃　returned　Kidd。　　〃If　we　went　to　London　and　lifted　the　whole　Bank　of　England；　these　women　would　have　it　spent　on　Regent　Street　inside　of　twenty…four　hours。〃
  〃Then　leave　them　on　board；〃　said　Abeuchapeta。
  〃And　have　them　steal　the　ship！〃　retorted　Kidd。　　〃No。　　There　are　but　two　things　to　do。　　Take　'em　back；　or　land　them　in　Paris。　　Tell　them　to　spend　a　week　on　shore　while　we　are　provisioning。　　Tell　'em　to　shop　to　their　hearts'　content；　and　while　they　are　doing　it　we　can　sneak　off　and　leave　them　stranded。〃
  〃Splendid！〃　cried　Morgan。
  〃But　will　they　consent？〃　asked　Abeuchapeta。
  〃Consent！　　To　shop？　　In　Paris？　　For　a　week？〃　cried　Morgan。
  〃Ha；　ha！〃　laughed　Hawkins。　　〃Will　they　consent！　　Will　a　duck　swim？〃
  And　so　it　was　decided；　which　was　the　first　incident　in　the　career　of　the　House…boat　upon　which　the　astute　Mr。　Sherlock　Holmes　had　failed　to　count。
  CHAPTER　VI：　　A　CONFERENCE　BELOW…STAIRS
  When；　with　a　resounding　slam；　the　door　to　the　upper　deck　of　the　House…boat　was　shut　in　the　faces　of　queens　Elizabeth　and　Cleopatra　by　the　unmannerly　Kidd；　these　ladies　turned　and　gazed　at　those　who　thronged　the　stairs　behind　them　in　blank　amazement；　and　the　heart　of　Xanthippe；　had　one　chosen　to　gaze　through　that　diaphanous　person's　ribs；　could　have　been　seen　to　beat　angrily。
  Queen　Elizabeth　was　so　excited　at　this　wholly　novel　attitude　towards　her　regal　self　that；　having　turned；　she　sat　down　plump　upon　the　floor　in　the　most　unroyal　fashion。
  〃Well！〃　she　ejaculated。　　〃If　this　does　not　surpass　everything！　　The　idea　of　it！　　Oh　for　one　hour　of　my　olden　power；　one　hour　of　the　axe；　one　hour　of　the　block！〃
  〃Get　up；〃　retorted　Cleopatra；　〃and　let　us　all　return　to　the　billiard…　room　and　discuss　this　matter　calmly。　　It　is　quite　evident　that　something　has　happened　of　which　we　wotted　little　when　we　came　aboard　this　craft。〃
  〃That　is　a　good　idea；〃　said　Calpurnia；　retreating　below。　　〃I　can　see　through　the　window　that　we　are　in　motion。　　The　vessel　has　left　her　moorings；　and　is　making　considerable　headway　down　the　stream；　and　the　distinctly　masculine　voices　we　have　heard　are　indications　to　my　mind　that　the　ship　is　manned；　and　that　this　is　the　result　of　design　rather　than　of　accident。　　Let　us　below。〃
  Elizabeth　rose　up　and　readjusted　her　ruff；　which　in　the　excitement　of　the　moment　had　been　forced　to　assume　a　position　about　her　forehead　which　gave　one　the　impression　that　its　royal　wearer　had　suddenly　donned　a　sombrero。
  〃Very　well；〃　she　said。　　〃Let　us　below；　but　oh；　for　the　axe！〃
  〃Bring　the　lady　an　axe；〃　cried　Xanthippe；　sarcastically。　　〃She　wants　to　cut　somebody。〃
  The　sally　was　not　greeted　with　applause。　　The　situation　was　regarded　as　being　too　serious　to　admit　of　humor；　and　in　silence　they　filed　back　into　the　billiard…room；　and；　arranging　themselves　in　groups；　stood　about　anxiously　discussing　the　situation。
  〃It's　getting　rougher　every　minute；〃　sobbed　Ophelia。　　〃Look　at　those　pool…balls！〃　　These　were　in　very　truth　chasing　each　other　about　the　table　in　an　extraordinary　fashion。　　〃And　I　wish　I'd　never　followed　you　horrid　new　creatures　on　board！〃　the　poor　girl　added；　in　an　agony　of　despair。
  〃I　believe　we've　crossed　the　bar　already！〃　said　Cleopatra；　gazing　out　of　the　window　at　a　nasty　choppy　sea　that　was　adding　somewhat　to　the　disquietude　of　the　fair　gathering。　　〃If　this　is　merely　a　joke　on　the　part　of　the　Associated　Shades；　it　is　a　mighty　poor　one；　and　I　think　it　is　time　it　should　cease。〃
  〃Oh；　for　an　axe！〃　moaned　Elizabeth；　again。
  〃Excuse　me；　your　Majesty；〃　put　in　Xanthippe。　　〃You　said　that　before；　and　I　must　sa