第 181 节
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这就是结局 更新:2022-08-21 16:40 字数:9322
partly from her deficiency of manner; and still more from her true
humility and affection。 Gradually she arrived at the perception of
the history of her sister's mind; understood what gloom had once
overshadowed it; and how; since light had once shone upon her; she
shrank not merely from the tasks that had become wearisome to her;
but from the dread of losing among them her present peace。
〃They are your duty;〃 argued Ethel。 〃Duty brings peace。〃
〃They were not;〃 said Flora。
〃They are now;〃 said Ethel。
〃Dinners and parties; empty talk and vain show;〃 said Flora
languidly。 〃Are you come to their defence; Ethel? If you could
guess how sick one gets of them; and how much worse it is for them
not to be hateful! And to think of bringing my poor little girl up
to the like; if she is spared!〃
〃If they are not duties; I would not do them;〃 said Ethel。
〃Ethel;〃 cried her sister; raising herself from her couch eagerly; 〃I
will say it to you! What should you think of George resigning his
seat; and living in peace here?〃
〃Would he?〃 said Ethel。
〃If I wished it。〃
〃But what would he do with himself?〃 said Ethel; not in too
complimentary a strain。
〃Yachting; farming; Cochin…Chineseor something;〃 said Flora。
〃Anything not so wearing as this!〃
〃That abominable candidate of Tomkins's would come in!〃 exclaimed
Ethel。 〃Oh; Flora; that would be horrid!〃
〃That might be guarded against;〃 said Flora。 〃Perhaps Sir Henry
But oh! let us leave politics in peace while we can。 I thought we
should do some great good; but it is all a maze of confusion。 It is
so hard to know principles from parties; and everything goes wrong!
It is of no use to contend with it!〃
〃It is never vain to contend with evil;〃 said Ethel。
〃We are not generalising;〃 said Flora。 〃There is evil nearer home
than the state of parties; and I can't see that George's being in
Parliamentbeing what he isis anything like the benefit to things
in generalthat it is temptation and plague to me; besides the risk
of London life for the baby; now and hereafter。〃
〃I can't say that I think it is;〃 said Ethel。 〃How nice it would be
to have you here! I am so glad you are willing to give it up。〃
〃It would have been better to have given it up untastedlike
Norman;〃 sighed Flora。 〃I will talk to George。〃
〃But; Flora;〃 said Ethel; a little startled; 〃you ought not to do
such a thing without advice。〃
〃There will be worry enough before it is done!〃 sighed Flora。 〃No
fear of that!〃
〃Stop a minute;〃 said Ethel; as if poor Flora could have done
anything but lie still on her sofa。 〃I think you ought to consider
well before you set it going。〃
〃Have not I longed for it day and night? It is an escape from peril
for ourselves and our child。〃
〃I can't be sure!〃 said Ethel。 〃It may be more wrong to make George
desert the post which〃
〃Which I thrust him into;〃 said Flora。 〃My father told me as much。〃
〃I did not mean you to say that! But it is a puzzle。 It seems as if
it were right to give up such things; yet; when I recollect the
difficulty of carrying an election right at Stoneborough; I think
papa would be very sorry。 I don't think his interest would bring in
any sound man but his son…in…law; and George himself seems to like
his parliamentary life better than anything else。〃
〃Yes;〃 said Flora hesitatingly; for she knew it was truehe liked to
think himself important; and it gave him something to think of; and
regular occupationnot too active or onerous; but she could not tell
Ethel what she herself felt; that all she could do for him could not
prevent him from being held cheap by the men among whom she had
placed him。
〃Then;〃 said Ethel; as she heard her affirmative; 〃I don't think it
is for his dignity; for you to put him into Parliament to please you
and then take him out to please you。〃
〃I'll take care of his dignity;〃 said Flora shortly。
〃I know you would do it well〃
〃I am sick of doing things well!〃 said poor Flora。 〃You little know
how I dread reading up all I must read presently! I shall lose all I
have scarcely gained。 I cannot find peace any way; but by throwing
down the load I gave my peace for。〃
〃Whether this is truth or fancy;〃 said Ethel thoughtfully。 〃If you
would ask some one competent。〃
〃Don't you know there are some things one cannot ask?〃 said Flora。
〃I don't know why I spoke to you! Ah! come in! Why; George; that is
a finer egg than ever;〃 as he entered with a Shanghai egg in each
hand; for her to mark with the date when it had been laid。 Poultry
was a new hobby; and Ethel had been hearing; in her tete…a…tete
dinners with George; a great deal about the perfections of the
hideous monsters that had obtained fabulous prices。 They had been
the best resource for conversation; but she watched; with something
between vexation and softness; how Flora roused herself to give her
full attention and interest to his prosing about his pets; really
pleased as it seemed; and; at last; encouraging him actually to fetch
his favourite cock to show her; when she went through the points of
perfection of the ungainly mass of feathers; and did not at all allow
Ethel to laugh at the unearthly sounds of disapproval which handling
elicited。
〃And this is our senator!〃 thought Ethel。 〃I wonder whether
Honorius's hen was a Shanghai! Poor Flora is rightit is poor work
to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear! but; putting him into the
place is one thing; taking him out another。 I wish she would take
advice; but I never knew her do that; except as a civil way of
communicating her intentions。 However; she is not quite what she
was! Poor dear! Aunt Flora will never believe what a beautiful
creature she used to be! It seems wrong to think of her going back
to that horrid London; but I can't judge。 For my part; I'd rather do
work; than no work for George; and he is a good; kind…hearted fellow
after all! I won't be a crab!〃
So Ethel did her best; and said the cock had a bright eyeall she
could say for himand George instructed her to admire the awkward
legs; and invited her to a poultry show; at Whitford; in two days'
timeand they sent him away to continue his consultations with the
poultry woman; which pullets should be preferred as candidates for a
prize。
〃Meta set him upon this;〃 said Flora。 〃I hope you will go; Ethel。
You see he can be very happy here。〃
〃Still;〃 said Ethel; 〃the more I think; the more sure I am that you
ought to ask advice。〃
〃I have asked yours;〃 said Flora; as if it were a great effort。 〃You
don't know what to sayI shall do what I see to be the only way to
rest。〃
〃I do know what to say;〃 said Ethel; 〃and that is; do as the Prayer…
book tells you; in any perplexity。〃
〃I am not perplexed;〃 said Flora。
〃Don't say so。 This is either the station to which God has called
you; or it is not。〃
〃He never called me to it。〃
〃But you don't know whether you ought to leave it。 If you ought not;
you would be ten times more miserable。 Go to Richard; Florahe
belongs to you as much as Ihe has authority besides。〃
〃Richard!〃
〃He is the clearest of us all in practical matters;〃 said Ethel;
preventing what she feared would be disparaging。 〃I don't mean only
that you should ask him about this Parliament matter alone; but I am
sure you would be happier and more settled if you talked things over
with him beforebefore you go to church。〃
〃You don't know what you propose。〃
〃I do;〃 said Ethel; growing bolder。 〃You have been going all this
time by feeling。 You have never cleared up; and got to the bottom
of; your troubles。〃
〃I could not talk to any one。〃
〃Not to any one but a clergyman。 Now; to enter on such a thing is
most averse to your nature; and I do believe that; for that very
reason; it would be what would do you most good。 You say you have
recovered sense of Oh; Flora! I can't talk of what you have gone
through; but if you have only a vague feeling that seems as if lying
still would be the only way to keep it; I don't think it can be
altogether sound; or the 'quiet conscience' that is meant。〃
〃Oh; Ethel! Ethel! I have never told you what I have undergone;
since I knew my former quietness of conscience was but sleep! I have
gone on in agony; with the sense of hypocrisy and despair; because I
was afraid; for George's sake; to do otherwise。〃
Elhel felt herself utterly powerless to advise; and; after a kind
sound of sympathy; sat shocked; pondering on what none could answer;
whether this were; indeed; what poor Flora imagined; or whether it
had been a holding…fast to the thread through the darkness。 The
proud reserve was the true evil; and Ethel prayed and trusted it
might give way。
She went very amiably to Whitford with George; and gained great
credit with him; for admiring the prettiest speckled Hamburgh
present; indeed; George was becoming very fond of 〃poor Ethel;〃 as he
still called her; and sometimes predicted that she would turn out a
fine figure of a woman after all。
Ethel heard; on her return; that Richard had been there; and three
days after; when Flora was making arrangements for going to church; a
moment of confidence came over her; and she s