第 157 节
作者:
这就是结局 更新:2022-08-21 16:40 字数:9321
affection was too painful for her in the present state; he broke into
a vehement angry defence of her devotion to her child; treating Dr。
May as if the accusation came from him; and when the doctor and Meta
had persuaded him out of this; he next imagined that his father…in…
law feared that he was going to reproach his wife; and there was no
making him comprehend more than that; if she were not kept quiet; she
might have a serious illness。
Even then he insisted on going to look at her; and Dr。 May could not
prevent him from pressing his lips to her forehead。 She half opened
her eyes; and murmured 〃good…night;〃 and by this he was a little
comforted; but he would hear of nothing but sitting up; and Meta
would have done the same; but for an absolute decree of the doctor。
It was a relief to Dr。 May that George's vigil soon became a sound
repose on the sofa in the dressing…room; and he was left to read and
muse uninterruptedly。
It was far past two o'clock before there was any movement; then Flora
drew a long breath; stirred; and; as her father came and drew her
hand into his; before she was well awake; she gave a long; wondering
whisper; 〃Oh; papa! papa!〃 then sitting up; and passing her hand over
her eyes; 〃Is it all true?〃
〃It is true; my own poor dear;〃 said Dr。 May; supporting her; as she
rested against his arm; and hid her face on his shoulder; while her
breath came short; and she shivered under the renewed perception
〃she is gone to wait for you。〃
〃Hush! Oh; don't! papa!〃 said Flora; her voice shortened by anguish。
〃Oh; think why〃
〃Nay; Flora; do not; do not speak as if that should exclude peace or
hope!〃 said Dr。 May entreatingly。 〃Besides; it was no wilful
neglectyou had other duties〃
〃You don't know me; papa;〃 said Flora; drawing her hands away from
him; and tightly clenching them in one another; as thoughts far too
terrible for words swept over her。
〃If I do not; the most Merciful Father does;〃 said Dr。 May。 Flora
sat for a minute or two; her hands locked together round her knees;
her head bowed down; her lips compressed。 Her father was so far
satisfied that the bodily dangers he had dreaded were averted; but
the agony of mind was far more terrible; especially in one who
expressed so little; and in whom it seemed; as it were; pent up。
〃Papa!〃 said Flora presently; with a resolution of tone as if she
would prevent resistance; 〃I must see her!〃
〃You shall; my dear;〃 said the doctor at once; and she seemed
grateful not to be opposed; speaking more gently; as she said; 〃May
it be nowwhile there is no daylight?〃
〃If you wish it;〃 said Dr。 May。
The dawn; and a yellow waning moon; gave sufficient light for moving
about; and Flora gained her feet; but she was weak and trembling; and
needed the support of her father's arm; though hardly conscious of
receiving it; as she mounted the same stairs; that she had so often
lightly ascended in the like doubtful morning light; for never; after
any party; had she omitted her visit to the nursery。
The door was locked; and she looked piteously at her father as her
weak push met the resistance; and he was somewhat slow in turning the
key with his left hand。 The whitewashed; slightly furnished room
reflected the light; and the moonbeams showed the window…frame in
pale and dim shades on the blinds; the dewy air breathed in coolly
from the park; and there was a calm solemnity in the atmosphereno
light; no watcher present to tend the babe。 Little Leonora needed
such no more; she was with the Keeper; who shall neither slumber nor
sleep。
So it thrilled across her grandfather; as he saw the little cradle
drawn into the middle of the room; and; on the coverlet; some pure
white rosebuds and lilies of the valley; gathered in the morning by
Mary and Blanche; little guessing the use that Meta would make of
them ere nightfall。
The mother sank on her knees; her hands clasped over her breast; and
rocking herself to and fro uneasily; with a low; irrepressible
moaning。
〃Will you not see her face?〃 whispered Dr。 May。
〃I may not touch her;〃 was the answer; in the hollow voice; and with
the wild eye that had before alarmed him; but trusting to the
soothing power of the mute face of the innocent; he drew back the
covering。
The sight was such as he anticipated; sadly lovely; smiling and
tranquilall oppression and suffering fled away for ever。
It stilled the sounds of pain; and the restless motion; the
compression of the hands became less tight; and he began to hope that
the look was passing into her heart。 He let her kneel on without
interruption; only once he said; 〃Of such is the kingdom of Heaven!〃
She made no immediate answer; and he had had time to doubt whether he
ought to let her continue in that exhausting attitude any longer;
when she looked up and said; 〃You will all be with her there。〃
〃She has flown on to point your aim more steadfastly;〃 said Dr。 May。
Flora shuddered; but spoke calmly〃No; I shall not meet her。〃
〃My child!〃 he exclaimed; 〃do you know what you are saying?〃
〃I know; I am not in the way;〃 said Flora; still in the same
fearfully quiet; matter…of…fact tone。 〃I never have been〃and she
bent over her child; as if taking her leave for eternity。
His tongue almost clave to the roof of his mouth; as he heard the
wordswords elicited by one of those hours of true reality that;
like death; rend aside every wilful cloak of self…deceit; and self…
approbation。 He had no power to speak at first; when he recovered
it; his reply was not what his heart had; at first; prompted。
〃Flora! How has this dear child been saved?〃 he said。 〃What has
released her from the guilt she inherited through you; through me;
through all? Is not the Fountain open?〃
〃She never wasted grace;〃 said Flora。
〃My child! my Flora!〃 he exclaimed; losing the calmness he had gained
by such an effort; 〃you must not talk thusit is wrong! Only your
own morbid feeling can treat thisthisas a charge against you; and
if it were; indeed〃he sank his voice〃that such consequences
destroyed hope; oh; Flora! where should I be?〃
〃No;〃 said Flora; 〃this is not what I meant。 It is that I have never
set my heart right。 I am not like you nor my sisters。 I have seemed
to myself; and to you; to be trying to do right; but it was all
hollow; for the sake of praise and credit。 I know it; now it is too
late; and He has let me destroy my child here; lest I should have
destroyed her everlasting life; like my own。〃
The most terrible part of this sentence was to Dr。 May; that Flora
spoke as if she knew it all as a certainty; and without apparent
emotion; with all the calmness of despair。 What she had never
guessed before had come clearly and fully upon her now; and without
apparent novelty; or; perhaps; there had been misgivings in the midst
of her complacent self…satisfaction。 She did not even seem to
perceive how dreadfully she was shocking her father; whose sole
comfort was in believing her language the effect of exaggerated self…
reproach。 His profession had rendered him not new to the sight of
despondency; and; dismayed as he was; he was able at once to speak to
the point。
〃If it were indeed so; her removal would be the greatest blessing。〃
〃Yes;〃 said her mother; and her assent was in the same tone of
resigned despair; owning it best for her child to be spared a worldly
education; and loving her truly enough to acquiesce。
〃I meant the greatest blessing to you;〃 continued Dr。 May; 〃if it be
sent to open your eyes; and raise your thoughts upwards。 Oh; Flora;
are not afflictions tokens of infinite love?〃
She could not accept the encouragement; and only formed; with her
lips; the words; 〃Mercy to herwrath to me!〃
The simplicity and hearty piety which; with all Dr。 May's faults; had
always been part of his character; and had borne him; in faith and
trust; through all his trials; had never belonged to her。 Where he
had been sincere; erring only from impulsiveness; she had been
double…minded and calculating; and; now that her delusion had been
broken down; she had nothing to rest upon。 Her whole religious life
had been mechanical; deceiving herself more than even others; and all
seemed now swept away; except the sense of hypocrisy; and of having
cut herself off; for ever; from her innocent child。 Her father saw
that it was vain to argue with her; and only said; 〃You will think
otherwise by and by; my dear。 Now shall I say a prayer before we go
down?〃
As she made no reply; he repeated the Lord's Prayer; but she did not
join; and then he added a broken; hesitating intercession for the
mourners; which caused her to bury her face deeper in her hands; but
her dull wretchedness altered not。
Rising; he said authoritatively; 〃Come; Flora; you must go to bed。
See; it is morning。〃
〃You have sat up all night with me!〃 said Flora; with somewhat of her
anxious; considerate self。
〃So has George。 He had just dropped asleep on the sofa when you
awoke。〃
〃I thought he was in anger;〃 said she。
〃Not with you; dearest。〃
〃No; I remember now; not where it was justly due。 Papa;〃 she said;
pausing; as to recall her recollection; 〃what did I do? I