第 157 节
作者:这就是结局      更新:2022-08-21 16:40      字数:9321
  affection was too painful for her in the present state; he broke into
  a vehement angry defence of her devotion to her child; treating Dr。
  May as if the accusation came from him; and when the doctor and Meta
  had persuaded him out of this; he next imagined that his father…in…
  law feared that he was going to reproach his wife; and there was no
  making him comprehend more than that; if she were not kept quiet; she
  might have a serious illness。
  Even then he insisted on going to look at her; and Dr。 May could not
  prevent him from pressing his lips to her forehead。  She half opened
  her eyes; and murmured 〃good…night;〃 and by this he was a little
  comforted; but he would hear of nothing but sitting up; and Meta
  would have done the same; but for an absolute decree of the doctor。
  It was a relief to Dr。 May that George's vigil soon became a sound
  repose on the sofa in the dressing…room; and he was left to read and
  muse uninterruptedly。
  It was far past two o'clock before there was any movement; then Flora
  drew a long breath; stirred; and; as her father came and drew her
  hand into his; before she was well awake; she gave a long; wondering
  whisper; 〃Oh; papa! papa!〃 then sitting up; and passing her hand over
  her eyes; 〃Is it all true?〃
  〃It is true; my own poor dear;〃 said Dr。 May; supporting her; as she
  rested against his arm; and hid her face on his shoulder; while her
  breath came short; and she shivered under the renewed perception
  〃she is gone to wait for you。〃
  〃Hush!  Oh; don't! papa!〃 said Flora; her voice shortened by anguish。
  〃Oh; think why〃
  〃Nay; Flora; do not; do not speak as if that should exclude peace or
  hope!〃 said Dr。 May entreatingly。  〃Besides; it was no wilful
  neglectyou had other duties〃
  〃You don't know me; papa;〃 said Flora; drawing her hands away from
  him; and tightly clenching them in one another; as thoughts far too
  terrible for words swept over her。
  〃If I do not; the most Merciful Father does;〃 said Dr。 May。  Flora
  sat for a minute or two; her hands locked together round her knees;
  her head bowed down; her lips compressed。  Her father was so far
  satisfied that the bodily dangers he had dreaded were averted; but
  the agony of mind was far more terrible; especially in one who
  expressed so little; and in whom it seemed; as it were; pent up。
  〃Papa!〃 said Flora presently; with a resolution of tone as if she
  would prevent resistance; 〃I must see her!〃
  〃You shall; my dear;〃 said the doctor at once; and she seemed
  grateful not to be opposed; speaking more gently; as she said; 〃May
  it be nowwhile there is no daylight?〃
  〃If you wish it;〃 said Dr。 May。
  The dawn; and a yellow waning moon; gave sufficient light for moving
  about; and Flora gained her feet; but she was weak and trembling; and
  needed the support of her father's arm; though hardly conscious of
  receiving it; as she mounted the same stairs; that she had so often
  lightly ascended in the like doubtful morning light; for never; after
  any party; had she omitted her visit to the nursery。
  The door was locked; and she looked piteously at her father as her
  weak push met the resistance; and he was somewhat slow in turning the
  key with his left hand。  The whitewashed; slightly furnished room
  reflected the light; and the moonbeams showed the window…frame in
  pale and dim shades on the blinds; the dewy air breathed in coolly
  from the park; and there was a calm solemnity in the atmosphereno
  light; no watcher present to tend the babe。  Little Leonora needed
  such no more; she was with the Keeper; who shall neither slumber nor
  sleep。
  So it thrilled across her grandfather; as he saw the little cradle
  drawn into the middle of the room; and; on the coverlet; some pure
  white rosebuds and lilies of the valley; gathered in the morning by
  Mary and Blanche; little guessing the use that Meta would make of
  them ere nightfall。
  The mother sank on her knees; her hands clasped over her breast; and
  rocking herself to and fro uneasily; with a low; irrepressible
  moaning。
  〃Will you not see her face?〃 whispered Dr。 May。
  〃I may not touch her;〃 was the answer; in the hollow voice; and with
  the wild eye that had before alarmed him; but trusting to the
  soothing power of the mute face of the innocent; he drew back the
  covering。
  The sight was such as he anticipated; sadly lovely; smiling and
  tranquilall oppression and suffering fled away for ever。
  It stilled the sounds of pain; and the restless motion; the
  compression of the hands became less tight; and he began to hope that
  the look was passing into her heart。  He let her kneel on without
  interruption; only once he said; 〃Of such is the kingdom of Heaven!〃
  She made no immediate answer; and he had had time to doubt whether he
  ought to let her continue in that exhausting attitude any longer;
  when she looked up and said; 〃You will all be with her there。〃
  〃She has flown on to point your aim more steadfastly;〃 said Dr。 May。
  Flora shuddered; but spoke calmly〃No; I shall not meet her。〃
  〃My child!〃 he exclaimed; 〃do you know what you are saying?〃
  〃I know; I am not in the way;〃 said Flora; still in the same
  fearfully quiet; matter…of…fact tone。  〃I never have been〃and she
  bent over her child; as if taking her leave for eternity。
  His tongue almost clave to the roof of his mouth; as he heard the
  wordswords elicited by one of those hours of true reality that;
  like death; rend aside every wilful cloak of self…deceit; and self…
  approbation。  He had no power to speak at first; when he recovered
  it; his reply was not what his heart had; at first; prompted。
  〃Flora!  How has this dear child been saved?〃 he said。  〃What has
  released her from the guilt she inherited through you; through me;
  through all?  Is not the Fountain open?〃
  〃She never wasted grace;〃 said Flora。
  〃My child! my Flora!〃 he exclaimed; losing the calmness he had gained
  by such an effort; 〃you must not talk thusit is wrong!  Only your
  own morbid feeling can treat thisthisas a charge against you; and
  if it were; indeed〃he sank his voice〃that such consequences
  destroyed hope; oh; Flora! where should I be?〃
  〃No;〃 said Flora; 〃this is not what I meant。  It is that I have never
  set my heart right。  I am not like you nor my sisters。  I have seemed
  to myself; and to you; to be trying to do right; but it was all
  hollow; for the sake of praise and credit。  I know it; now it is too
  late; and He has let me destroy my child here; lest I should have
  destroyed her everlasting life; like my own。〃
  The most terrible part of this sentence was to Dr。 May; that Flora
  spoke as if she knew it all as a certainty; and without apparent
  emotion; with all the calmness of despair。  What she had never
  guessed before had come clearly and fully upon her now; and without
  apparent novelty; or; perhaps; there had been misgivings in the midst
  of her complacent self…satisfaction。  She did not even seem to
  perceive how dreadfully she was shocking her father; whose sole
  comfort was in believing her language the effect of exaggerated self…
  reproach。  His profession had rendered him not new to the sight of
  despondency; and; dismayed as he was; he was able at once to speak to
  the point。
  〃If it were indeed so; her removal would be the greatest blessing。〃
  〃Yes;〃 said her mother; and her assent was in the same tone of
  resigned despair; owning it best for her child to be spared a worldly
  education; and loving her truly enough to acquiesce。
  〃I meant the greatest blessing to you;〃 continued Dr。 May; 〃if it be
  sent to open your eyes; and raise your thoughts upwards。  Oh; Flora;
  are not afflictions tokens of infinite love?〃
  She could not accept the encouragement; and only formed; with her
  lips; the words; 〃Mercy to herwrath to me!〃
  The simplicity and hearty piety which; with all Dr。 May's faults; had
  always been part of his character; and had borne him; in faith and
  trust; through all his trials; had never belonged to her。  Where he
  had been sincere; erring only from impulsiveness; she had been
  double…minded and calculating; and; now that her delusion had been
  broken down; she had nothing to rest upon。  Her whole religious life
  had been mechanical; deceiving herself more than even others; and all
  seemed now swept away; except the sense of hypocrisy; and of having
  cut herself off; for ever; from her innocent child。  Her father saw
  that it was vain to argue with her; and only said; 〃You will think
  otherwise by and by; my dear。  Now shall I say a prayer before we go
  down?〃
  As she made no reply; he repeated the Lord's Prayer; but she did not
  join; and then he added a broken; hesitating intercession for the
  mourners; which caused her to bury her face deeper in her hands; but
  her dull wretchedness altered not。
  Rising; he said authoritatively; 〃Come; Flora; you must go to bed。
  See; it is morning。〃
  〃You have sat up all night with me!〃 said Flora; with somewhat of her
  anxious; considerate self。
  〃So has George。 He had just dropped asleep on the sofa when you
  awoke。〃
  〃I thought he was in anger;〃 said she。
  〃Not with you; dearest。〃
  〃No; I remember now; not where it was justly due。  Papa;〃 she said;
  pausing; as to recall her recollection; 〃what did I do?  I