第 151 节
作者:
青涩春天 更新:2022-07-12 16:22 字数:9322
came in。
〃He was frightfully pale。 His eyes looked at me with a terrible
despair in them。 He never answered when I expressed my surprise
at his coming in so much sooner than usual; he wouldn't even tell
me; when I asked the question; if he was ill。 Pointing
peremptorily to the chair from which I had risen on his entering
the room; he told me to sit down again; and then; after a moment;
added these words: 'I have something serious to say to you。'
〃I thought of what I had doneor; no; of what I had tried to
doin that interval between half…past ten and half…past eleven;
which I have left unnoticed in my diaryand the deadly sickness
of terror; which I never felt at the time; came upon me now。 I
sat down again; as I had been told; without speaking to
Midwinter; and without looking at him。
〃He took a turn up and down the room; and then came and stood
over me。
〃 'If Allan comes here to…morrow;' he began; 'and if you see
him'
〃His voice faltered; and he said no more。 There was some dreadful
grief at his heart that was trying to master him。 But there are
times when his will is a will of iron。 He took another turn in
the room; and crushed it down。 He came back; and stood over me
again。
〃 'When Allan comes here to…morrow;' he resumed; 'let him come
into my room; if he wants to see me。 I shall tell him that I find
it impossi ble to finish the work I now have on hand as soon as I
had hoped; and that he must; therefore; arrange to find a crew
for the yacht without any assistance on my part。 If he comes; in
his disappointment; to appeal to you; give him no hope of my
being free in time to help him if he waits。 Encourage him to take
the best assistance he can get from strangers; and to set about
manning the yacht without any further delay。 The more occupation
he has to keep him away from this house; and the less you
encourage him to stay here if he does come; the better I shall be
pleased。 Don't forget that; and don't forget one last direction
which I have now to give you。 When the vessel is ready for sea;
and when Allan invites us to sail with him; it is my wish that
you should positively decline to go。 He will try to make you
change your mind; for I shall; of course; decline; on my side; to
leave you in this strange house; and in this foreign country; by
yourself。 No matter what he says; let nothing persuade you to
alter your decision。 Refuse; positively and finally! Refuse; I
insist on it; to set your foot on the new yacht!'
〃He ended quietly and firmly; with no faltering in his voice; and
no signs of hesitation or relenting in his face。 The sense of
surprise which I might otherwise have felt at the strange words
he had addressed to me was lost in the sense of relief that they
brought to my mind。 The dread of _those other words_ that I had
expected to hear from him left me as suddenly as it had come。 I
could look at him; I could speak to him once more。
〃 'You may depend;' I answered; 'on my doing exactly what you
order me to do。 Must I obey you blindly? Or may I know your
reason for the extraordinary directions you have just given to
me?'
〃His; face darkened; and he sat down on the other side of my
dressing…table; with a heavy; hopeless sigh。
〃 'You may know the reason;' he said; 'if you wish it。' He waited
a little; and considered。 'You have a right to know the reason;'
he resumed; 'for you yourself are concerned in it。' He waited a
little again; and again went on。 'I can only explain the strange
request I have just made to you in one way;' be said。 'I must ask
you to recall what happened in the next room; before Allan left
us to…night。'
〃He looked at me with a strange mixture of expressions in his
face。 At one moment I thought he felt pity for me。 At another; it
seemed more like horror of me。 I began to feel frightened again;
I waited for his next words in silence。
〃 'I know that I have been working too hard lately;' he went on;
'and that my nerves are sadly shaken。 It is possible; in the
state I am in now; that I may have unconsciously misinterpreted;
or distorted; the circumstances that really took place。 You will
do me a favor if you will test my recollection of what has
happened by your own。 If my fancy has exaggerated anything; if my
memory is playing me false anywhere; I entreat you to stop me;
and tell me of it。'
〃I commanded myself sufficiently to ask what the circumstances
were to which he referred; and in what way I was personally
concerned in them。
〃 'You were personally concerned in them in this way;' he
answered。 'The circumstances to which I refer began with your
speaking to Allan about Miss Milroy; in what I thought a very
inconsiderate and very impatient manner。 I am afraid I spoke just
as petulantly on my side; and I beg your pardon for what I said
to you in the irritation of the moment。 You left the room。 After
a short absence; you came back again; and made a perfectly proper
apology to Allan; which he received with his usual kindness and
sweetness of temper。 While this went on; you and he were both
standing by the supper…table; and Allan resumed some conversation
which had already passed between you about the Neapolitan wine。
He said he thought he should learn to like it in time; and he
asked leave to take another glass of the wine we had on the
table。 Am I right so far?'
〃The words almost died on my lips; but I forced them out; and
answered him that he was right so far。
〃 'You took the flask out of Allan's hand;' he proceeded。 'You
said to him; good…humoredly; 〃You know you don't really like the
wine; Mr。 Armadale。 Let me make you something which may be more
to your taste。 I have a recipe of my own for lemonade。 Will you
favor me by trying it?〃 In those words; you made your proposal to
him; and he accepted it。 Did he also ask leave to look on; and
learn how the lemonade was made? and did you tell him that he
would only confuse you; and that you would give him the recipe in
writing; if he wanted it?'
〃This time the words did really die on my lips。 I could only bow
my head; and answer 'Yes' mutely in that way。 Midwinter went on。
〃 'Allan laughed; and went to the window to look out at the Bay;
and I went with him。 After a while Allan remarked; jocosely; that
the mere sound of the liquids you were pouring out made him
thirsty。 When he said this; I turned round from the window。 I
approached you; and said the lemonade took a long time to make。
You touched me; as I was walking away again; and handed me the
tumbler filled to the brim。 At the same time; Allan turned round
from the window; and I; in my turn; handed the tumbler to
_him。_Is there any mistake so far?'
〃The quick throbbing of my heart almost choked me。 I could just
shake my headI could do no more。
〃 'I saw Allan raise the tumbler to his lips。Did _you_ see it?
I saw his face turn white in an instant。Did _you?_ I saw the
glass fall from his hand on the floor。 I saw him stagger; and
caught him before he fell。 Are these things true? For God's sake;
search your memory; and tell meare these things true?'
〃The throbbing at my heart seemed; for one breathless instant; to
stop。 The next moment something fiery; something maddening; flew
through me。 I started to my feet; with my temper in a flame;
reckless of all consequences; desperate enough to say anything。
〃 'Your questions are an insult! Your looks are an insult!' I
burst out。 '_Do you think I tried to poison him?_'
〃The words rushed out of my lips in spite of me。 They were the
last words under heaven that any woman; in such a situation as
mine; ought to have spoken。 And yet I spoke them!
〃He rose in alarm and gave me my smelling…bottle。 'Hush! hush!'
he said。 'You; too; are overwroughtyou; too; are overexcited by
all that has happened to…night。 You are talking wildly and
shockingly。 Good God! how can you have so utterly misunderstood
me? Compose yourselfpray; compose yourself。'
〃He might as well have told a wild animal to compose herself。
Having been mad enough to say the words; I was mad enough next to
return to the subject of the lemonade; in spite of his entreaties
to me to be silent。
〃 'I told you what I had put in the glass; the moment Mr。
Armadale fainted;' I went on; insisting furiously on defending
myself; when no attack was made on me。 'I told you I had taken
the flask of brandy which you kept at your bedside; and mixed
some of it with the lemonade。 How could I know that he had a
nervous horror of the smell and taste of brandy? Didn't he say to
me himself; when he came to his senses; It's my fault; I ought to
have warned you to put no brandy in it? Didn't he remind you
afterward of the time when you and he were in the Isle of Man
together; and when the doctor there innocently made the same
mistake with him that I made to…night?'
'〃I laid a great stress on my innocenceand with some reason
too。 Whatever else I may be; I pride myself on not being a
hypocrite。 I _was_ innocentso far as the brandy was concerned。
I had put it into the lemonade; in pure ignorance of Armadale's
nervous peculiarity; to disguise the taste ofnever mind what!
Another of the things I pride myself on is that I never wander
from my subject。 What Mid