第 148 节
作者:
青涩春天 更新:2022-07-12 16:22 字数:9322
〃Armadale next。 Has any unforeseen accident led him to
communicate with Thorpe Ambrose? Has he broken the conditions
which the major imposed on him; and asserted himself in the
character of Miss Milroy's promised husband since I saw him last?
〃Nothing of the sort has taken place。 No unforeseen accident has
altered his positionhis tempting positiontoward myself。 I
know all that has happened to him since he left England; through
the letters which he writes to Midwinter; and which Midwinter
shows to me。
〃He has been wrecked; to begin with。 His trumpery little yacht
has actually tried to drown him; after all; and has failed! It
happened (as Midwinter warned him it might happen with so small a
vessel) in a sudden storm。 They were blown ashore on the coast of
Portugal。 The yacht went to pieces; but the lives; and papers;
and so on; were saved。 The men have been sent back to Bristol;
with recommendations from their master which have already got
them employment on board an outward…bound ship。 And the master
himself is on his way here; after stopping first at Lisbon; and
next at Gibraltar; and trying ineffectually in both places to
supply himself with another vessel。 His third attempt is to be
made at Naples; where there is an English yacht 'laid up;' as
they call it; to be had for sale or hire。 He has had no occasion
to write home since the wreck; for he took away from Coutts's the
whole of the large sum of money lodged there for him; in circular
notes。 And he has felt no inclination to go back to England
himself; for; with Mr。 Brock dead; Miss Milroy at school; and
Midwinter here; he has not a living creature in whom he is
interested to welcome him if he returned。 To see us; and to see
the new yacht; are the only two present objects he has in view。
Midwinter has been expecting him for a week past; and he may walk
into this very room in which I am writing; at this very moment;
for all I know to the contrary。
〃Tempting circumstances; thesewith all the wrongs I have
suffered at his mother's hands and at his; still alive in my
memory; with Miss Milroy confidently waiting to take her place at
the head of his household; with my dream of living happy and
innocent in Midwinter's love dispelled forever; and with nothing
left in its place to help me against myself。 I wish it wasn't
raining; I wish I could go out。
〃Perhaps something may happen to prevent Armadale from coming to
Naples? When he last wrote; he was waiting at Gibraltar for an
English steamer in the Mediterranean trade to bring him on here。
He may get tired of waiting before the steamer comes; or he may
hear of a yacht at some other place than this。 A little bird
whispers in my ear that it may possibly be the wisest thing he
ever did in his life if he breaks his engagement to join us at
Naples。
〃Shall I tear out the leaf on which all these shocking things
have been written? No。 My Diary is so nicely boundit would be
positive barbarity to tear out a leaf。 Let me occupy myself
harmlessly with something else。 What shall it be? My
dressing…caseI will put my dressing…case tidy; and polish up
the few little things in it which my misfortunes have still left
in my possession。
〃I have shut up the dressing…case again。 The first thing I found
in it was Armadale's shabby present to me on my marriagethe
rubbishing little ruby ring。 That irritated me; to begin with。
The second thing that turned up was my bottle of Drops。 I caught
myself measuring the doses with my eye; and calculating how many
of them would be enough to take a living creature over the
border…land between sleep and death。 Why I should have locked the
dressing…case in a fright; before I had quite completed my
calculation; I don't know; but I did lock it。 And here I am back
again at my Diary; with nothing; absolutely nothing; to write
about。 Oh; the weary day! the weary day! Will nothing happen to
excite me a little in this horrible place?
〃October 12th。Midwinter 's all…important letter to the
newspaper was dispatched by the post last night。 I was foolish
enough to suppose that I might be honored by having some of his
spare attention bestowed on me to…day。 Nothing of the sort! He
had a restless night; after all his writing; and got up with his
head aching; and his spirits miserably depressed。 When he is in
this state; his favorite remedy is to return to his old vagabond
habits; and go roaming away by himself nobody knows where。 He
went through the form this morning (knowing I had no riding
habit) of offering to hire a little broken…kneed brute of a pony
for me; in case I wished to accompany him! I preferred remaining
at home。 I will have a handsome horse and a handsome habit; or I
won't ride at all。 He went away; without attempting to persuade
me to change my mind。 I wouldn't have changed it; of course; but
he might have tried to persuade me all the same。
〃I can open the piano in his absencethat is one comfort。 And I
am in a fine humor for playingthat is another。 There is a
sonata of Beethoven's (I forget the number); which always
suggests to me the agony of lost spirits in a place of torment。
Come; my fingers and thumbs; and take me among the lost spirits
this morning!
〃October 13th。Our windows look out on the sea。 At noon to…day
we saw a steamer coming in; with the English flag flying。
Midwinter has gone to the port; on the chance that this may be
the vessel from Gibraltar; with Armadale on board。
〃Two o'clock。It is the vessel from Gibraltar。 Armadale has
added one more to the long list of his blunders: he has kept his
engagement to join us at Naples。
〃How will it end _now?_
〃Who knows?
〃October 16th。Two days missed out of my Diary! I can hardly
tell why; unless it is that Armadale irritates me beyond all
endurance。 The mere sight of him takes me back to Thorpe Ambrose。
I fancy I must have been afraid of what I might write about him;
in the course of the last two days; if I indulged myself in the
dangerous luxury of opening these pages。
〃This morning I am afraid of nothing; and I take up my pen again
accordingly。
〃Is there any limit; I wonder; to the brutish stupidity of some
men? I thought I had discovered Armadale's limit when I was his
neighbor in Norfolk; but my later experience at Naples shows me
that I was wrong。 He is perpetually in and out of this house
(crossing over to us in a boat from the hotel at Santa Lucia;
where he sleeps); and he has exactly two subjects of
conversationthe yacht for sale in the harbor here; and Miss
Milroy。 Yes! he selects ME as the _confidante_ of his devoted
attachment to the major's daughter! 'It's so nice to talk to a
woman about it!' That is all the apology he has thought it
necessary to make for appealing to my sympathies_my_
sympathies!on the subject of 'his darling Neelie;' fifty times
a day。 He is evidently persuaded (if he thinks about it at all)
that I have forgotten; as completely as he has forgotten; all
that once passed between us when I was first at Thorpe Ambrose。
Such an utter want of the commonest delicacy and the commonest
tact; in a creature who is; to all appearance; possessed of a
skin; and not a hide; and who does; unless my ears deceive me;
talk; and not bray; is really quite incredible when one comes to
think of it。 But it is; for all that; quite true。 He asked mehe
actually asked me; last nighthow many hundreds a year the wife
of a rich man could spend on her dress。 'Don't put it too low;'
the idiot added; with his intolerable grin。 'Neelie shall be one
of the best…dressed women in England when I have married her。'
And this to me; after having had him at my feet; and then losing
him again through Miss Milroy! This to me; with an alpaca gown
on; and a husband whose income must be helped by a newspaper!
〃I had better not dwell on it any longer。 I had better think and
write of something else。
〃The yacht。 As a relief from hearing about Miss Milroy; I declare
the yacht in the harbor is quite an interesting subject to me!
She (the men call a vessel 'She'; and I suppose; if the women
took an interest in such things; _they_ would call a vessel
'He')she is a beautiful model; and her 'top…sides' (whatever
they may be) are especially distinguished by being built of
mahogany。 But; with these merits; she has the defect; on the
other hand; of being oldwhich is a sad drawbackand the crew
and the sailing…master have been 'paid off;' and sent home to
Englandwhich is additionally distressing。 Still; if a new crew
and a new sailing…master can be picked up here; such a beautiful
creature (with all her drawbacks); is not to be despised。 It
might answer to hire her for a cruise; and to see how she
behaves。 (If she is of _my_ mind; her behavior will rather
astonish her new master!) The cruise will determine what faults
she has; and what repairs; through the unlucky circumstance of
her age; she really stands in need of。 And then it will be time
to settle whether to buy her outright or not。 Such is Armadale's
conversation when he is not talking of 'his darling Neelie。' And
Midwinter; who can steal no time from his newspaper work for his
wife; can steal hours for his friend; and can offer them
unreservedly to my irr