第 138 节
作者:青涩春天      更新:2022-07-12 16:22      字数:9322
  Private in the British army; and; if the person appointed to
  watch me to…morrow is a man; I think it just possible that he may
  find his attention disagreeably diverted from Miss Gwilt in the
  course of the evening。
  〃When Midwinter came here last from the railway; he came at
  half…past eight。 How am I to get through the weary; weary hours
  between this and the evening? I think I shall darken my bedroom;
  and drink the blessing of oblivion from my bottle of Drops。
  〃Eleven o'clock。We have parted for the last time before the day
  comes that makes us man and wife。
  〃He has left me。 as he left me before; with an absorbing subject
  of interest to think of in his absence。 I noticed a change in him
  the moment he entered the room。 When he told me of the funeral;
  and of his parting with Armadale on board the yacht; though he
  spoke with feelings deeply moved; he spoke with a mastery over
  himself which is new to me in my experience of him。 It was the
  same when our talk turned next on our own hopes and prospects。 He
  was plainly disappointed when he found that my family
  embarrassments would prevent our meeting to…morrow; and plainly
  uneasy at the prospect of leaving me to find my way by myself on
  Monday to the church。 But there was a certain hopefulness and
  composure of manner underlying it all; which produced so strong
  an impression on me that I was obliged to notice it。
  〃 'You know what odd fancies take possession of me sometimes;' I
  said。 'Shall I tell you the fancy that has taken possession of me
  now? I can't help thinking that something has happened since we
  last saw each other which you have not told me yet。
  〃 'Something _has_ happened;' he answered。 'And it is something
  which you ought to know。'
  〃With those words he took out his pocket…book; and produced two
  written papers from it。 One he looked at and put back。 The other
  he placed on the table。
  〃 'Before I tell you what this is; and how it came into my
  possession;' he said; 'I must own something that I have concealed
  from you。 It is no more serious confession than the confession of
  my own weakness。'
  〃He then acknowledged to me that the renewal of his friendship
  with Armadale had been clouded; through the whole period of their
  intercourse in London; by his own superstitious misgivings。 He
  had obeyed the summons which called him to the rector's bedside;
  with the firm intention of confiding his previsions of coming
  trouble to Mr。 Brock; and he had been doubly confirmed in his
  superstition when he found that Death had entered the house
  before him; and had parted them; in this world; forever。 More
  than this; he had traveled back to be present at the funeral;
  with a secret sense of relief at the prospect of being parted
  from Armadale; and with a secret resolution to make the
  after…meeting agreed on between us three at Naples a meeting that
  should never take place。 With that purpose in his heart; he had
  gone up alone to the room prepared for him on his arrival at the
  rectory; and had opened a letter which he found waiting for him
  on the table。 The letter had only that day been
  discovereddropped and lostunder the bed on which Mr。 Brock
  had died。 It was in the rector's handwriting throughout; and the
  person to whom it was addressed was Midwinter himself。
  〃Having told me this; nearly in the words in which I have written
  it; he gave me the written paper that lay on the table between
  us。
  〃 'Read it;' he said; 'and you will not need to be told that my
  mind is at peace again; and that I took Allan's hand at parting
  with a heart that was worthier of Allan's love。'
  〃I read the letter。 There was no superstition to be conquered in
  _my_ mind; there were no old feelings of gratitude toward
  Armadale to be roused in _my_ heart; and yet; the effect which
  the letter had had on Midwinter was; I firmly believe; more than
  matched by the effect that the letter now produced on Me。
  〃It was vain to ask him to leave it; and to let me read it again
  (as I wished) when I was left by myself。 He is determined to keep
  it side by side with that other paper which I had seen him take
  out of his pocket…book; and which contains the written narrative
  of Armadale's Dream。 All I could do was to ask his leave to copy
  it; and this he granted readily。 I wrote the copy in his
  presence; and I now place it here in my diary; to mark a day
  which is one of the memorable days in my life。
  〃Boscombe Rectory; August 2d。
  〃MY DEAR MIDWINTERFor the first time si nce the beginning of my
  illness; I found strength enough yesterday to look over my
  letters。 One among them is a letter from Allan; which has been
  lying unopened on my table for ten days past。 He writes to me in
  great distress; to say that there has been dissension between
  you; and that you have left him。 If you still remember what
  passed between us。 when you first opened your heart to me in the
  Isle of Man; you will be at no loss to understand how I have
  thought over this miserable news; through the night that has now
  passed; and you will not be surprised to hear that I have roused
  myself this morning to make the effort of writing to you。
  〃I want no explanation of the circumstances which have parted you
  from your friend。 If my estimate of your character is not founded
  on an entire delusion; the one influence which can have led to
  your estrangement from Allan is the influence of that evil spirit
  of Superstition which I have once already cast out of your
  heartwhich I will once again conquer; please God; if I have
  strength enough to make my pen speak my mind to you in this
  letter。
  〃It is no part of my design to combat the belief which I know you
  to hold; that mortal creatures may be the objects of supernatural
  intervention in their pilgrimage through this world。 Speaking as
  a reasonable man; I own that I cannot prove you to be wrong。
  Speaking as a believer in the Bible; I am bound to go further;
  and to admit that you possess a higher than any human warrant for
  the faith that is in you。 The one object which I have it at heart
  to attain is to induce you to free yourself from the paralyzing
  fatalism of the heathen and the savage; and to look at the
  mysteries that perplex; and the portents that daunt you; from the
  Christian's point of view。 If I can succeed in this; I shall
  clear your mind of the ghastly doubts that now oppress it; and I
  shall reunite you to your friend; never to be parted from him
  again。
  〃I have no means of seeing and questioning you。 I can only send
  this letter to Allan to be forwarded; if he knows; or can
  discover; your present address。 Placed in this position toward
  you; I am bound to assume all that _can_ be assumed in your
  favor。 I will take it for granted that something has happened to
  you or to Allan which to your mind has not only confirmed the
  fatalist conviction in which your father died; but has added a
  new and terrible meaning to the warning which he sent you in his
  death…bed letter。
  〃On this common ground I meet you。 On this common ground I appeal
  to your higher nature and your better sense。
  〃Preserve your present conviction that the events which have
  happened (be they what they may) are not to be reconciled with
  ordinary mortal coincidences and ordinary mortal laws; and view
  your own position by the best and clearest light that your
  superstition can throw on it。 What are you? You are a helpless
  instrument in the hands of Fate。 You are doomed; beyond all human
  capacity of resistance; to bring misery and destruction blindfold
  on a man to whom you have harmlessly and gratefully united
  yourself in the bonds of a brother's love。 All that is morally
  firmest in your will and morally purest in your aspirations
  avails nothing against the hereditary impulsion of you toward
  evil; caused by a crime which your father committed before you
  were born。 In what does that belief end? It ends in the darkness
  in which you are now lost; in the self…contradictions in which
  you are now bewildered; in the stubborn despair by which a man
  profanes his own soul; and lowers himself to the level of the
  brutes that perish。
  〃Look up; my poor suffering brotherlook up; my hardly tried; my
  well…loved friend; higher than this! Meet the doubts that now
  assail you from the blessed vantage…ground of Christian courage
  and Christian hope; and your heart will turn again to Allan; and
  your mind will be at peace。 Happen what may; God is all…merciful;
  God is all…wise: natural or supernatural; it happens through Him。
  The mystery of Evil that perplexes our feeble minds; the sorrow
  and the suffering that torture us in this little life; leave the
  one great truth unshaken that the destiny of man is in the hands
  of his Creator; and that God's blessed Son died to make us
  worthier of it。 Nothing that is done in unquestioning submission
  to the wisdom of the Almighty is done wrong。 No evil exists out
  of which; in obedience to his laws; Good may not come。 Be true to
  what Christ tells you is true。 Encourage in yourself; be the
  circumstances what they may; all that is loving; all that is
  grateful; all that is patient; all that is forgiving; toward your
  fellow…men。 And humbly and trustfully leave the rest to the God
  who made you; and to the Saviou