第 138 节
作者:
青涩春天 更新:2022-07-12 16:22 字数:9322
Private in the British army; and; if the person appointed to
watch me to…morrow is a man; I think it just possible that he may
find his attention disagreeably diverted from Miss Gwilt in the
course of the evening。
〃When Midwinter came here last from the railway; he came at
half…past eight。 How am I to get through the weary; weary hours
between this and the evening? I think I shall darken my bedroom;
and drink the blessing of oblivion from my bottle of Drops。
〃Eleven o'clock。We have parted for the last time before the day
comes that makes us man and wife。
〃He has left me。 as he left me before; with an absorbing subject
of interest to think of in his absence。 I noticed a change in him
the moment he entered the room。 When he told me of the funeral;
and of his parting with Armadale on board the yacht; though he
spoke with feelings deeply moved; he spoke with a mastery over
himself which is new to me in my experience of him。 It was the
same when our talk turned next on our own hopes and prospects。 He
was plainly disappointed when he found that my family
embarrassments would prevent our meeting to…morrow; and plainly
uneasy at the prospect of leaving me to find my way by myself on
Monday to the church。 But there was a certain hopefulness and
composure of manner underlying it all; which produced so strong
an impression on me that I was obliged to notice it。
〃 'You know what odd fancies take possession of me sometimes;' I
said。 'Shall I tell you the fancy that has taken possession of me
now? I can't help thinking that something has happened since we
last saw each other which you have not told me yet。
〃 'Something _has_ happened;' he answered。 'And it is something
which you ought to know。'
〃With those words he took out his pocket…book; and produced two
written papers from it。 One he looked at and put back。 The other
he placed on the table。
〃 'Before I tell you what this is; and how it came into my
possession;' he said; 'I must own something that I have concealed
from you。 It is no more serious confession than the confession of
my own weakness。'
〃He then acknowledged to me that the renewal of his friendship
with Armadale had been clouded; through the whole period of their
intercourse in London; by his own superstitious misgivings。 He
had obeyed the summons which called him to the rector's bedside;
with the firm intention of confiding his previsions of coming
trouble to Mr。 Brock; and he had been doubly confirmed in his
superstition when he found that Death had entered the house
before him; and had parted them; in this world; forever。 More
than this; he had traveled back to be present at the funeral;
with a secret sense of relief at the prospect of being parted
from Armadale; and with a secret resolution to make the
after…meeting agreed on between us three at Naples a meeting that
should never take place。 With that purpose in his heart; he had
gone up alone to the room prepared for him on his arrival at the
rectory; and had opened a letter which he found waiting for him
on the table。 The letter had only that day been
discovereddropped and lostunder the bed on which Mr。 Brock
had died。 It was in the rector's handwriting throughout; and the
person to whom it was addressed was Midwinter himself。
〃Having told me this; nearly in the words in which I have written
it; he gave me the written paper that lay on the table between
us。
〃 'Read it;' he said; 'and you will not need to be told that my
mind is at peace again; and that I took Allan's hand at parting
with a heart that was worthier of Allan's love。'
〃I read the letter。 There was no superstition to be conquered in
_my_ mind; there were no old feelings of gratitude toward
Armadale to be roused in _my_ heart; and yet; the effect which
the letter had had on Midwinter was; I firmly believe; more than
matched by the effect that the letter now produced on Me。
〃It was vain to ask him to leave it; and to let me read it again
(as I wished) when I was left by myself。 He is determined to keep
it side by side with that other paper which I had seen him take
out of his pocket…book; and which contains the written narrative
of Armadale's Dream。 All I could do was to ask his leave to copy
it; and this he granted readily。 I wrote the copy in his
presence; and I now place it here in my diary; to mark a day
which is one of the memorable days in my life。
〃Boscombe Rectory; August 2d。
〃MY DEAR MIDWINTERFor the first time si nce the beginning of my
illness; I found strength enough yesterday to look over my
letters。 One among them is a letter from Allan; which has been
lying unopened on my table for ten days past。 He writes to me in
great distress; to say that there has been dissension between
you; and that you have left him。 If you still remember what
passed between us。 when you first opened your heart to me in the
Isle of Man; you will be at no loss to understand how I have
thought over this miserable news; through the night that has now
passed; and you will not be surprised to hear that I have roused
myself this morning to make the effort of writing to you。
〃I want no explanation of the circumstances which have parted you
from your friend。 If my estimate of your character is not founded
on an entire delusion; the one influence which can have led to
your estrangement from Allan is the influence of that evil spirit
of Superstition which I have once already cast out of your
heartwhich I will once again conquer; please God; if I have
strength enough to make my pen speak my mind to you in this
letter。
〃It is no part of my design to combat the belief which I know you
to hold; that mortal creatures may be the objects of supernatural
intervention in their pilgrimage through this world。 Speaking as
a reasonable man; I own that I cannot prove you to be wrong。
Speaking as a believer in the Bible; I am bound to go further;
and to admit that you possess a higher than any human warrant for
the faith that is in you。 The one object which I have it at heart
to attain is to induce you to free yourself from the paralyzing
fatalism of the heathen and the savage; and to look at the
mysteries that perplex; and the portents that daunt you; from the
Christian's point of view。 If I can succeed in this; I shall
clear your mind of the ghastly doubts that now oppress it; and I
shall reunite you to your friend; never to be parted from him
again。
〃I have no means of seeing and questioning you。 I can only send
this letter to Allan to be forwarded; if he knows; or can
discover; your present address。 Placed in this position toward
you; I am bound to assume all that _can_ be assumed in your
favor。 I will take it for granted that something has happened to
you or to Allan which to your mind has not only confirmed the
fatalist conviction in which your father died; but has added a
new and terrible meaning to the warning which he sent you in his
death…bed letter。
〃On this common ground I meet you。 On this common ground I appeal
to your higher nature and your better sense。
〃Preserve your present conviction that the events which have
happened (be they what they may) are not to be reconciled with
ordinary mortal coincidences and ordinary mortal laws; and view
your own position by the best and clearest light that your
superstition can throw on it。 What are you? You are a helpless
instrument in the hands of Fate。 You are doomed; beyond all human
capacity of resistance; to bring misery and destruction blindfold
on a man to whom you have harmlessly and gratefully united
yourself in the bonds of a brother's love。 All that is morally
firmest in your will and morally purest in your aspirations
avails nothing against the hereditary impulsion of you toward
evil; caused by a crime which your father committed before you
were born。 In what does that belief end? It ends in the darkness
in which you are now lost; in the self…contradictions in which
you are now bewildered; in the stubborn despair by which a man
profanes his own soul; and lowers himself to the level of the
brutes that perish。
〃Look up; my poor suffering brotherlook up; my hardly tried; my
well…loved friend; higher than this! Meet the doubts that now
assail you from the blessed vantage…ground of Christian courage
and Christian hope; and your heart will turn again to Allan; and
your mind will be at peace。 Happen what may; God is all…merciful;
God is all…wise: natural or supernatural; it happens through Him。
The mystery of Evil that perplexes our feeble minds; the sorrow
and the suffering that torture us in this little life; leave the
one great truth unshaken that the destiny of man is in the hands
of his Creator; and that God's blessed Son died to make us
worthier of it。 Nothing that is done in unquestioning submission
to the wisdom of the Almighty is done wrong。 No evil exists out
of which; in obedience to his laws; Good may not come。 Be true to
what Christ tells you is true。 Encourage in yourself; be the
circumstances what they may; all that is loving; all that is
grateful; all that is patient; all that is forgiving; toward your
fellow…men。 And humbly and trustfully leave the rest to the God
who made you; and to the Saviou