第 110 节
作者:青涩春天      更新:2022-07-12 16:22      字数:9322
  〃I will write again if you wish it。 Please accept of my duty; and
  believe me to remain; sir; your humble servant;
  〃ROBERT STAPLETON。
  〃P。 S。The yacht has been rigged and repainted; waiting your
  orders。 She looks beautiful。〃
  6。 _From Mrs。 Oldershaw to Miss Gwilt。_
  〃Diana Street; July 24th。
  〃MISS GWILTThe post hour has passed for three mornings
  following; and has brought me no answer to my letter。 Are you
  purposely bent on insulting me? or have you left Thorpe Ambrose?
  In either case; I won't put up with your conduct any longer。 The
  law shall bring you to book; if I can't。
  〃Your first note of hand (for thirty pounds) falls due on Tuesday
  next; the 29th。 If you had behaved with common consideration
  toward me; I would have let you renew it with pleasure。 As things
  are; I shall have the note presented; and; if it is not paid; I
  shall instruct my man of business to take the usual course。
  〃Yours; MARIA OLDERSHAW。〃
  7。 _From Miss Gwilt to Mrs。 Oldershaw。_
  〃5 Paradise Place; Thorpe Ambrose; July 25th。
  MRS。 OLDERSHAWThe time of your man of business being; no doubt;
  of some value; I write a line to assist him when he takes the
  usual course。 He will find me waiting to be arrested in the
  first…floor apartments; at the above address。 In my present
  situation; and with my present thoughts; the best service you can
  possibly render me is to lock me up。
  〃L。 G。〃
  8。 _From Mrs。 Oldershaw to Miss Gwilt。_
  〃Diana Street; July 26th。
  〃MY DARLING LYDIAThe longer I live in this wicked world the
  more plainly I see that women's own tempers are the worst enemies
  women have to contend with。 What a truly regretful style of
  correspondence we have fallen into! What a sad want of
  self…restraint; my dear; on your side and on mine!
  〃Let me; as the oldest in years; be the first to make the needful
  excuses; the first to blush for my own want of self…control。 Your
  cruel neglect; Lydia; stung me into writing as I did。 I am so
  sensitive to ill treatment; when it is inflicted on me by a
  person whom I love and admire; and; though turned sixty; I am
  still (unfortunately for myself) so young at heart。 Accept my
  apologies for having made use of my pen; when I ought to have
  been content to take refuge in my pocket…handkerchief。 Forgive
  your attached Maria for being still young at heart!
  〃But oh; my dearthough I own I threatened youhow hard of you
  to take me at my word! How cruel of you; if your debt had been
  ten times what it is; to suppose me capable (whatever I might
  say) of the odious inhumanity of arresting my bosom friend!
  Heavens! have I deserved to be taken at my word in this
  unmercifully exact way; after the years of tender intimacy that
  have united us? But I don't complain; I only mourn over the
  frailty of our common human nature。 Let us expect as little of
  each other as possible; my dear; we are both women; and we can't
  help it。 I declare; when I reflect on the origin of our
  unfortunate sexwhen I remember that we were all originally made
  of no better material than the rib of a man (and that rib of so
  little importance to its possessor that he never appears to have
  missed it afterward); I am quite astonished at our virtues; and
  not in the least surprised at our faults。
  〃I am wandering a little; I am losing myself in serious thought;
  like that sweet character in Shakespeare who was 'fancy free。'
  One last word; dearest; to say that my longing for an answer to
  this proceeds entirely from my wish to hear from you again in
  your old friendly tone; and is quite unconnected with any
  curiosity to know what you are doing at Thorpe Ambroseexcept
  such curiosity as you yourself might approve。 Need I add that I
  beg you as a favor to _me_ to renew; on the customary terms? I
  refer to the little bill due on Tuesday next; and I venture to
  suggest that day six weeks。
  〃Yours; with a truly motherly feeling;
  〃MARIA OLDERSHAW。〃
  9。 _From Miss Gwilt to Mrs。 Oldershaw。_
  〃Paradise Place; July 27th。
  〃I HAVE just got your last letter。 The brazen impudence of it has
  roused me。 I am to be treated like a child; am I?to be
  threatened first; and then; if threatening fails; to be coaxed
  afterward? You _ shall_ coax me; you shall know; my motherly
  friend; the sort of child you have to deal with。
  〃I had a reason; Mrs。 Oldershaw; for the silence which has so
  seriously offended yo u。 I was afraidactually afraidto let
  you into the secret of my thoughts。 No such fear troubles me now。
  My only anxiety this morning is to make you my best
  acknowledgments for the manner in which you have written to me。
  After carefully considering it; I think the worst turn I can
  possibly do you is to tell you what you are burning to know。 So
  here I am at my desk; bent on telling it。 If you don't bitterly
  repent; when you are at the end of this letter; not having held
  to your first resolution; and locked me up out of harm's way
  while you had the chance; my name is not Lydia Gwilt。
  〃Where did my last letter end? I don't remember; and don't care。
  Make it out as you canI am not going back any further than this
  day week。 That is to say; Sunday last。
  〃There was a thunder…storm in the morning。 It began to clear off
  toward noon。 I didn't go out: I waited to see Midwinter or to
  hear from him。 (Are you surprised at my not writing 'Mr。' before
  his name? We have got so familiar; my dear; that 'Mr。' would be
  quite out of place。) He had left me the evening before; under
  very interesting circumstances。 I had told him that his friend
  Armadale was persecuting me by means of a hired spy。 He had
  declined to believe it; and had gone straight to Thorpe Ambrose
  to clear the thing up。 I let him kiss my hand before he went。 He
  promised to come back the next day (the Sunday)。 I felt I had
  secured my influence over him; and I believed he would keep his
  word。
  〃Well; the thunder passed away as I told you。 The weather cleared
  up; the people walked out in their best clothes; the dinners came
  in from the bakers; I sat dreaming at my wretched little hired
  piano; nicely dressed and looking my bestand still no Midwinter
  appeared。 It was late in the afternoon; and I was beginning to
  feel offended; when a letter was brought to me。 It had been left
  by a strange messenger who went away again immediately。 I looked
  at the letter。 Midwinter at lastin writing; instead of in
  person。 I began to feel more offended than ever; for; as I told
  you; I thought I had used my influence over him to better
  purpose。
  〃The letter; when I read it; set my mind off in a new direction。
  It surprised; it puzzled; it interested me。 I thought; and
  thought; and thought of him; all the rest of the day。
  〃He began by asking my pardon for having doubted what I told him。
  Mr。 Armadale's own lips had confirmed me。 They had quarreled (as
  I had anticipated they would); and he; and the man who had once
  been his dearest friend on earth; had parted forever。 So far; I
  was not surprised。 I was amused by his telling me in his
  extravagant way that he and his friend were parted forever; and I
  rather wondered what he would think when I carried out my plan;
  and found my way into the great house on pretense of reconciling
  them。
  〃But the second part of the letter set me thinking。 Here it is;
  in his own words。
  〃 'It is only by struggling against myself (and no language can
  say how hard the struggle has been) that I have decided on
  writing; instead of speaking to you。 A merciless necessity claims
  my future life。 I must leave Thorpe Ambrose; I must leave
  England; without hesitating; without stopping to look back。 There
  are reasonsterrible reasons; which I have madly trifled
  withfor my never letting Mr。 Armadale set eyes on me; or hear
  of me again; after what has happened between us。 I must go; never
  more to live under the same roof; never more to breathe the same
  air with that man。 I must hide myself from him under an assumed
  name; I must put the mountains and the seas between us。 I have
  been warned as no human creature was ever warned before。 I
  believeI dare not tell you whyI believe that; if the
  fascination you have for me draws me back to you; fatal
  consequences will come of it to the man whose life has been so
  strangely mingled with your life and minethe man who was once
  _your_ admirer and _my_ friend。 And yet; feeling this; seeing it
  in my mind as plainly as I see the sky above my head; there is a
  weakness in me that still shrinks from the one imperative
  sacrifice of never seeing you again。 I am fighting with it as a
  man fights with the strength of his despair。 I have been near
  enough; not an hour since; to see the house where you live; and
  have forced myself away again out of sight of it。 Can I force
  myself away further still; now that my letter is writtennow;
  when the useless confession escapes me; and I own to loving you
  with the first love I have ever known; with the last love I shall
  ever feel? Let the coming time answer the question; I dare not
  write of it or think of it more。'
  〃Those were the last words。 In that strange way the letter ended。
  〃I felt a perfect fever of curiosity to know what he meant。 His
  loving me; of course; was easy enough to understand。 But what did
  he mean by saying he had b