第 110 节
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青涩春天 更新:2022-07-12 16:22 字数:9322
〃I will write again if you wish it。 Please accept of my duty; and
believe me to remain; sir; your humble servant;
〃ROBERT STAPLETON。
〃P。 S。The yacht has been rigged and repainted; waiting your
orders。 She looks beautiful。〃
6。 _From Mrs。 Oldershaw to Miss Gwilt。_
〃Diana Street; July 24th。
〃MISS GWILTThe post hour has passed for three mornings
following; and has brought me no answer to my letter。 Are you
purposely bent on insulting me? or have you left Thorpe Ambrose?
In either case; I won't put up with your conduct any longer。 The
law shall bring you to book; if I can't。
〃Your first note of hand (for thirty pounds) falls due on Tuesday
next; the 29th。 If you had behaved with common consideration
toward me; I would have let you renew it with pleasure。 As things
are; I shall have the note presented; and; if it is not paid; I
shall instruct my man of business to take the usual course。
〃Yours; MARIA OLDERSHAW。〃
7。 _From Miss Gwilt to Mrs。 Oldershaw。_
〃5 Paradise Place; Thorpe Ambrose; July 25th。
MRS。 OLDERSHAWThe time of your man of business being; no doubt;
of some value; I write a line to assist him when he takes the
usual course。 He will find me waiting to be arrested in the
first…floor apartments; at the above address。 In my present
situation; and with my present thoughts; the best service you can
possibly render me is to lock me up。
〃L。 G。〃
8。 _From Mrs。 Oldershaw to Miss Gwilt。_
〃Diana Street; July 26th。
〃MY DARLING LYDIAThe longer I live in this wicked world the
more plainly I see that women's own tempers are the worst enemies
women have to contend with。 What a truly regretful style of
correspondence we have fallen into! What a sad want of
self…restraint; my dear; on your side and on mine!
〃Let me; as the oldest in years; be the first to make the needful
excuses; the first to blush for my own want of self…control。 Your
cruel neglect; Lydia; stung me into writing as I did。 I am so
sensitive to ill treatment; when it is inflicted on me by a
person whom I love and admire; and; though turned sixty; I am
still (unfortunately for myself) so young at heart。 Accept my
apologies for having made use of my pen; when I ought to have
been content to take refuge in my pocket…handkerchief。 Forgive
your attached Maria for being still young at heart!
〃But oh; my dearthough I own I threatened youhow hard of you
to take me at my word! How cruel of you; if your debt had been
ten times what it is; to suppose me capable (whatever I might
say) of the odious inhumanity of arresting my bosom friend!
Heavens! have I deserved to be taken at my word in this
unmercifully exact way; after the years of tender intimacy that
have united us? But I don't complain; I only mourn over the
frailty of our common human nature。 Let us expect as little of
each other as possible; my dear; we are both women; and we can't
help it。 I declare; when I reflect on the origin of our
unfortunate sexwhen I remember that we were all originally made
of no better material than the rib of a man (and that rib of so
little importance to its possessor that he never appears to have
missed it afterward); I am quite astonished at our virtues; and
not in the least surprised at our faults。
〃I am wandering a little; I am losing myself in serious thought;
like that sweet character in Shakespeare who was 'fancy free。'
One last word; dearest; to say that my longing for an answer to
this proceeds entirely from my wish to hear from you again in
your old friendly tone; and is quite unconnected with any
curiosity to know what you are doing at Thorpe Ambroseexcept
such curiosity as you yourself might approve。 Need I add that I
beg you as a favor to _me_ to renew; on the customary terms? I
refer to the little bill due on Tuesday next; and I venture to
suggest that day six weeks。
〃Yours; with a truly motherly feeling;
〃MARIA OLDERSHAW。〃
9。 _From Miss Gwilt to Mrs。 Oldershaw。_
〃Paradise Place; July 27th。
〃I HAVE just got your last letter。 The brazen impudence of it has
roused me。 I am to be treated like a child; am I?to be
threatened first; and then; if threatening fails; to be coaxed
afterward? You _ shall_ coax me; you shall know; my motherly
friend; the sort of child you have to deal with。
〃I had a reason; Mrs。 Oldershaw; for the silence which has so
seriously offended yo u。 I was afraidactually afraidto let
you into the secret of my thoughts。 No such fear troubles me now。
My only anxiety this morning is to make you my best
acknowledgments for the manner in which you have written to me。
After carefully considering it; I think the worst turn I can
possibly do you is to tell you what you are burning to know。 So
here I am at my desk; bent on telling it。 If you don't bitterly
repent; when you are at the end of this letter; not having held
to your first resolution; and locked me up out of harm's way
while you had the chance; my name is not Lydia Gwilt。
〃Where did my last letter end? I don't remember; and don't care。
Make it out as you canI am not going back any further than this
day week。 That is to say; Sunday last。
〃There was a thunder…storm in the morning。 It began to clear off
toward noon。 I didn't go out: I waited to see Midwinter or to
hear from him。 (Are you surprised at my not writing 'Mr。' before
his name? We have got so familiar; my dear; that 'Mr。' would be
quite out of place。) He had left me the evening before; under
very interesting circumstances。 I had told him that his friend
Armadale was persecuting me by means of a hired spy。 He had
declined to believe it; and had gone straight to Thorpe Ambrose
to clear the thing up。 I let him kiss my hand before he went。 He
promised to come back the next day (the Sunday)。 I felt I had
secured my influence over him; and I believed he would keep his
word。
〃Well; the thunder passed away as I told you。 The weather cleared
up; the people walked out in their best clothes; the dinners came
in from the bakers; I sat dreaming at my wretched little hired
piano; nicely dressed and looking my bestand still no Midwinter
appeared。 It was late in the afternoon; and I was beginning to
feel offended; when a letter was brought to me。 It had been left
by a strange messenger who went away again immediately。 I looked
at the letter。 Midwinter at lastin writing; instead of in
person。 I began to feel more offended than ever; for; as I told
you; I thought I had used my influence over him to better
purpose。
〃The letter; when I read it; set my mind off in a new direction。
It surprised; it puzzled; it interested me。 I thought; and
thought; and thought of him; all the rest of the day。
〃He began by asking my pardon for having doubted what I told him。
Mr。 Armadale's own lips had confirmed me。 They had quarreled (as
I had anticipated they would); and he; and the man who had once
been his dearest friend on earth; had parted forever。 So far; I
was not surprised。 I was amused by his telling me in his
extravagant way that he and his friend were parted forever; and I
rather wondered what he would think when I carried out my plan;
and found my way into the great house on pretense of reconciling
them。
〃But the second part of the letter set me thinking。 Here it is;
in his own words。
〃 'It is only by struggling against myself (and no language can
say how hard the struggle has been) that I have decided on
writing; instead of speaking to you。 A merciless necessity claims
my future life。 I must leave Thorpe Ambrose; I must leave
England; without hesitating; without stopping to look back。 There
are reasonsterrible reasons; which I have madly trifled
withfor my never letting Mr。 Armadale set eyes on me; or hear
of me again; after what has happened between us。 I must go; never
more to live under the same roof; never more to breathe the same
air with that man。 I must hide myself from him under an assumed
name; I must put the mountains and the seas between us。 I have
been warned as no human creature was ever warned before。 I
believeI dare not tell you whyI believe that; if the
fascination you have for me draws me back to you; fatal
consequences will come of it to the man whose life has been so
strangely mingled with your life and minethe man who was once
_your_ admirer and _my_ friend。 And yet; feeling this; seeing it
in my mind as plainly as I see the sky above my head; there is a
weakness in me that still shrinks from the one imperative
sacrifice of never seeing you again。 I am fighting with it as a
man fights with the strength of his despair。 I have been near
enough; not an hour since; to see the house where you live; and
have forced myself away again out of sight of it。 Can I force
myself away further still; now that my letter is writtennow;
when the useless confession escapes me; and I own to loving you
with the first love I have ever known; with the last love I shall
ever feel? Let the coming time answer the question; I dare not
write of it or think of it more。'
〃Those were the last words。 In that strange way the letter ended。
〃I felt a perfect fever of curiosity to know what he meant。 His
loving me; of course; was easy enough to understand。 But what did
he mean by saying he had b