第 38 节
作者:
击水三千 更新:2022-07-08 12:27 字数:9322
on; at dinner; failed to make himself particularly agreeable; he ate fast as if he had no idea what he was eating; and talked little; every now and then his eyes rested for some time upon Angela; with a strange; eagerly excited expression; as if he were looking her over and trying to make up his mind about her afresh。 This young lady bore his inscrutable scrutiny with a deal of superficial composure; but she was also silent; and she returned his gaze; from time to time; with an air of unusual anxiety。 She was thinking; of course; of Gordon; Bernard said to himself; and a woman's first meeting; in after years; with an ex…lover must always make a certain impression upon her。 Gordon; however; had never been a lover; and if Bernard noted Angela's gravity it was not because he felt jealous。 〃She is simply sorry for him;〃 he said to himself; and by the time he had finished his dinner it began to come back to him that he was sorry; too。 Mrs。 Vivian was probably sorry as well; for she had a slightly confused and preoccupied looka look from which; even in the midst of his chagrin; Bernard extracted some entertainment。 It was Mrs。 Vivian's intermittent conscience that had been reminded of one of its lapses; her meeting with Gordon Wright had recalled the least exemplary episode of her lifethe time when she whispered mercenary counsel in the ear of a daughter who sat; grave and pale; looking at her with eyes that wondered。 Mrs。 Vivian blushed a little now; when she met Bernard's eyes; and to remind herself that she was after all a virtuous woman; talked as much as possible about superior and harmless things the beauty of the autumn weather; the pleasure of seeing French papas walking about on Sunday with their progeny in their hands; the peculiarities of the pulpit…oratory of the country as exemplified in the discourse of a Protestant pasteur whom she had been to hear in the morning。
When they rose from table and went back into her little drawing…room; she left her daughter alone for awhile with Bernard。 The two were standing together before the fire; Bernard watched Mrs。 Vivian close the door softly behind her。 Then; looking for a moment at his companion
〃He is furious!〃 he announced at last。
〃Furious?〃 said Angela。 〃Do you mean Mr。 Wright?〃
〃The amiable; reasonable Gordon。 He takes it very hard。〃
〃Do you mean about me?〃 asked Angela。
〃It 's not with you he 's furious; of course; it is with me。 He won't let me off easily。〃
Angela looked for a moment at the fire。
〃I am very sorry for him;〃 she said; at last。
〃It seems to me I am the one to be pitied;〃 said Bernard; 〃and I don't see what compassion you; of all people in the world; owe him。〃
Angela again rested her eyes on the fire; then presently; looking up
〃He liked me very much;〃 she remarked。
〃All the more shame to him!〃 cried Bernard。
〃What do you mean?〃 asked the girl; with her beautiful stare。
〃If he liked you; why did he give you up?〃
〃He did n't give me up。〃
〃What do you mean; please?〃 asked Bernard; staring back at her。
〃I sent him awayI refused him;〃 said Angela。
〃Yes; but you thought better of it; and your mother had persuaded you that if he should ask you again; you had better accept him。 Then it was that he backed outin consequence of what I said to him on his return from England。〃
She shook her head slowly; with a strange smile。
〃My poor Bernard; you are talking very wildly。 He did ask me again。〃
〃That night?〃 cried Bernard。
〃The night he came back from Englandthe last time I saw him; until to…day。〃
〃After I had denounced you?〃 our puzzled hero exclaimed; frowning portentously。
〃I am sorry to let you know the small effect of your words!〃
Bernard folded his hands togetheralmost devoutlyand stood gazing at her with a long; inarticulate murmur of satisfaction。
〃Ah! then; I did n't injure youI did n't deprive you of a chance?〃
〃Oh; sir; the intention on your part was the same!〃 Angela exclaimed。
〃Then all my uneasiness; all my remorse; were wasted?〃 he went on。
But she kept the same tone; and its tender archness only gave a greater sweetness to his sense of relief。
〃It was a very small penance for you to pay。〃
〃You dismissed him definitely; and that was why he vanished?〃 asked Bernard; wondering still。
〃He gave me another 'chance;' as you elegantly express it; and I declined to take advantage of it。〃
〃Ah; well; now;〃 cried Bernard; 〃I am sorry for him!〃
〃I was very kindvery respectful;〃 said Angela。 〃I thanked him from the bottom of my heart; I begged his pardon very humbly for the wrong if wrong it wasthat I was doing him。 I did n't in the least require of him that he should leave Baden at seven o'clock the next morning。 I had no idea that he would do so; and that was the reason that I insisted to my mother that we ourselves should go away。 When we went I knew nothing about his having gone; and I supposed he was still there。 I did n't wish to meet him again。〃
Angela gave this information slowly; softly; with pauses between the sentences; as if she were recalling the circumstances with a certain effort; and meanwhile Bernard; with his transfigured face and his eyes fixed upon her lips; was moving excitedly about the room。
〃Well; he can't accuse me; then!〃 he broke out again。 〃If what I said had no more effect upon him than that; I certainly did him no wrong。〃
〃I think you are rather vexed he did n't believe you;〃 said Angela。
〃I confess I don't understand it。 He had all the air of it。 He certainly had not the air of a man who was going to rush off and give you the last proof of his confidence。〃
〃It was not a proof of confidence;〃 said Angela。 〃It had nothing to do with me。 It was as between himself and you; it was a proof of independence。 He did believe you; more or less; and what you said fell in with his own impressionsstrange impressions that they were; poor man! At the same time; as I say; he liked me; too; it was out of his liking me that all his trouble came! He caught himself in the act of listening to you too credulouslyand that seemed to him unmanly and dishonorable。 The sensation brought with it a reaction; and to prove to himself that in such a matter he could be influenced by nobody; he marched away; an hour after he had talked with you; and; in the teeth of his perfect mistrust; confirmed by your account of my irregularities heaven forgive you both!again asked me to be his wife。 But he hoped I would refuse!〃
〃Ah;〃 cried Bernard; 〃the recreant! He deservedhe deserved〃
〃That I should accept him?〃 Angela asked; smiling still。
Bernard was so much affected by this revelation; it seemed to him to make such a difference in his own responsibility and to lift such a weight off his conscience; that he broke out again into the liveliest ejaculations of relief。
〃Oh; I don't care for anything; now; and I can do what I please! Gordon may hate me; and I shall be sorry for him; but it 's not my fault; and I owe him no reparation。 No; no; I am free!〃
〃It 's only I who am not; I suppose;〃 said Angela; 〃and the reparation must come from me! If he is unhappy; I must take the responsibility。〃
〃Ah yes; of course;〃 said Bernard; kissing her。
〃But why should he be unhappy?〃 asked Angela。 〃If I refused him; it was what he wanted。〃
〃He is hard to please;〃 Bernard rejoined。 〃He has got a wife of his own。〃
〃If Blanche does n't please him; he is certainly difficult;〃 and Angela mused a little。 〃But you told me the other day that they were getting on so well。〃
〃Yes; I believe I told you;〃 Bernard answered; musing a little too。
〃You are not attending to what I say。〃
〃No; I am thinking of something elseI am thinking of what it was that made you refuse him that way; at the last; after you had let your mother hope。〃 And Bernard stood there; smiling at her。
〃Don't think any more; you will not find out;〃 the girl declared; turning away。
〃Ah; it was cruel of you to let me think I was wrong all these years;〃 he went on; 〃and; at the time; since you meant to refuse him; you might have been more frank with me。〃
〃I thought my fault had been that I was too frank。〃
〃I was densely stupid; and you might have made me understand better。〃
〃Ah;〃 said Angela; 〃you ask a great deal of a girl!〃
〃Why have you let me go on so long thinking that my deluded words had had an effect upon Gordonfeeling that I had done you a brutal wrong? It was real to me; the wrongand I have told you of the pangs and the shame which; for so many months; it has cost me! Why have you never undeceived me until to…day; and then only by accident?〃
At this question Angela blushed a little; then she answered; smiling
〃It was my vengeance。〃
Bernard shook his head。
〃That won't doyou don't mean it。 You never caredyou were too proud to care; and when I spoke to you about my fault; you did n't even know what I meant。 You might have told me; therefore; that my remorse was idle; that what I said to Gordon had not been of the smallest consequence; and that the rupture had come from yourself。〃
For some time Angela said nothing; then at last she gave him one of the deeply serious looks with which her face was occasionally ornamented。
〃If you want really t