第 26 节
作者:
人生几何 更新:2022-07-08 12:26 字数:9322
and with great sobs。
At length I ceased; half…shamed but still angry and smarting sorely。
For even while she wept she could find a tongue to answer withand a
woman's shafts are sharp。
〃Thou shouldst not speak to me thus!〃 she sobbed; 〃it is cruelit is
unmanly! But I forget thou art but a priest; not a manexcept;
mayhap; for Cleopatra!〃
〃What right hast thou?〃 I said。 〃What canst thou mean?〃
〃What right have I?〃 she asked; looking up; her dark eyes all aflood
with tears that ran down her sweet face like the dew of morning down a
lily's heart。 〃What right have I? O Harmachis! art thou blind? Didst
thou not know by what right I speak thus to thee? Then I must tell
thee。 Well; it is the fashion in Alexandria! By that first and holy
right of womanby the right of the great love I bear thee; and which;
it seems; thou hast no eyes to seeby the right of my glory and my
shame。 Oh; be not wroth with me; Harmachis; nor set me down as light;
because the truth at last has burst from me; for I am not so。 I am
what thou wilt make me。 I am the wax within the moulder's hands; and
as thou dost fashion me so I shall be。 There breathes within me now a
breath of glory; blowing across the waters of my soul; that can waft
me to ends more noble than ever I have dreamed afore; if thou wilt be
my pilot and my guide。 But if I lose thee; then I lose all that holds
me from my worse selfand let shipwreck come! Thou knowest me not;
Harmachis! thou canst not see how big a spirit struggles in this frail
form of mine! To thee I am a girl; clever; wayward; shallow。 But I am
more! Show me thy loftiest thought and I will match it; the deepest
puzzle of thy mind and I will make it clear。 Of one blood we are; and
love can ravel up our little difference and make us grow one indeed。
One end we have; one land we love; one vow binds us both。 Take me to
thy heart; Harmachis; set me by thee on the Double Throne; and I swear
that I will lift thee higher than ever man has climbed。 Reject me; and
beware lest I pull thee down! And now; putting aside the cold delicacy
of custom; stung to it by what I saw of the arts of that lovely living
falsehood; Cleopatra; which for pastime she practises on thy folly; I
have spoken out my heart; and answer thou!〃 And she clasped her hands
and; drawing one pace nearer; gazed; all white and trembling; on my
face。
For a moment I stood struck dumb; for the magic of her voice and the
power of her speech; despite myself; stirred me like the rush of
music。 Had I loved the woman; doubtless she might have fired me with
her flame; but I loved her not; and I could not play at passion。 And
so thought came; and with thought that laughing mood; which is ever
apt to fashion upon nerves strained to the point of breaking。 In a
flash; as it were; I bethought me of the way in which she had that
very night forced the wreath of roses on my head; I thought of the
kerchief and how I had flung it forth。 I thought of Charmion in the
little chamber watching what she held to be the arts of Cleopatra; and
of her bitter speeches。 Lastly; I thought of what my uncle Sepa would
say of her could he see her now; and of the strange and tangled skein
in which I was inmeshed。 And I laughed aloudthe fool's laughter that
was my knell of ruin!
She turned whiter yetwhite as the deadand a look grew upon her
face that checked my foolish mirth。 〃Thou findest; then; Harmachis;〃
she said in a low; choked voice; and dropping the level of her eyes;
〃thou findest cause of merriment in what I have said?〃
〃Nay;〃 I answered; 〃nay; Charmion; forgive me if I laughed。 It was
rather a laugh of despair; for what am I to say to thee? Thou hast
spoken high words of all thou mightest be: is it left for me to tell
thee what thou art?〃
She shrank; and I paused。
〃Speak;〃 she said。
〃Thou knowestnone so well!who I am and what my mission is: thou
knowestnone so well!that I am sworn to Isis; and may; by law
Divine; have naught to do with thee。〃
〃Ay;〃 she broke in; in her low voice; and with her eyes still fixed
upon the ground〃ay; and I know that thy vows are broken in spirit;
if not in formbroken like wreaths of cloud; for; Harmachis/thou
lovest Cleopatra!/〃
〃It is a lie!〃 I cried。 〃Thou wanton girl; who wouldst seduce me from
my duty and put me to an open shame!who; led by passion or ambition;
or the love of evil; hast not shamed to break the barriers of thy sex
and speak as thou hast spokenbeware lest thou go too far! And if
thou wilt have an answer; here it is; put straightly; as thy question。
Charmion; outside the matter of my duty and my vows; thou art /naught/
to me!nor for all thy tender glances will my heart beat one pulse
more fast! Hardly art thou now my friendfor; of a truth; I scarce
can trust thee。 But; once more: beware! To me thou mayest do thy
worst; but if thou dost dare to lift a finger against our cause; that
day thou diest! And now; is this play done?〃
And as; wild with anger; I spoke thus; she shrank back; and yet
further back; till at length she rested against the wall; her eyes
covered with her hand。 But when I ceased she dropped her hand;
glancing up; and her face was as the face of a statue; in which the
great eyes glowed like embers; and round them was a ring of purple
shadow。
〃Not altogether done;〃 she answered gently; 〃the arena must yet be
sanded!〃 This she said having reference to the covering up of the
bloodstains at the gladiatorial shows with fine sand。 〃Well;〃 she went
on; 〃waste not thine anger on a thing so vile。 I have thrown my throw
and I have lost。 /V? victis!/ah! /V? victis!/ Wilt thou not lend me
the dagger in thy robe; that here and now I may end my shame? No? Then
one word more; most royal Harmachis: if thou canst; forget my folly;
but; at the least; have no fear from me。 I am now; as ever; thy
servant and the servant of our cause。 Farewell!〃
And she went; leaning her hand against the wall。 But I; passing to my
chamber; flung myself upon my couch; and groaned in bitterness of
spirit。 Alas! we shape our plans; and by slow degrees build up our
house of Hope; never counting on the guests that time shall bring to
lodge therein。 For who can guard againstthe Unforeseen?
At length I slept; and my dreams were evil。 When I woke the light of
the day which should see the red fulfilment of the plot was streaming
through the casement; and the birds sang merrily among the garden
palms。 I woke; and as I woke the sense of trouble pressed in upon me;
for I remembered that before this day was gathered to the past I must
dip my hands in bloodyes; in the blood of Cleopatra; who trusted me!
Why could I not hate her as I should? There had been a time when I
looked on to this act of vengeance with somewhat of a righteous glow
of zeal。 And nowand nowwhy; I would frankly give my royal
birthright to be free from its necessity! But; alas! I knew that there
was no escape。 I must drain this cup or be for ever cast away。 I felt
the eyes of Egypt watching me; and the eyes of Egypt's Gods。 I prayed
to my Mother Isis to give me strength to do this deed; and prayed as I
had never prayed before; and oh; wonder! no answer came。 Nay; how was
this? What; then; had loosed the link between us that; for the first
time; the Goddess deigned no reply to her son and chosen servant?
Could it be that I had sinned in heart against her? What had Charmion
saidthat I loved Cleopatra? Was this sickness love? Nay! a thousand
times nay!it was but the revolt of Nature against an act of
treachery and blood。 The Goddess did but try my strength; or perchance
she also turned her holy countenance from murder?
I rose filled with terror and despair; and went about my task like a
man without a soul。 I conned the fatal lists and noted all the plans
ay; in my brain I gathered up the very words of that proclamation of
my Royalty which; on the morrow; I should issue to the startled world。
〃Citizens of Alexandria and dwellers in the land of Egypt;〃 it began;
〃Cleopatra the Macedonian hath; by the command of the Gods; suffered
justice for her crimes〃
All these and other things I did; but I did them as a man without a
soulas a man moved by a force from without and not from within。 And
so the minutes wore away。 In the third hour of the afternoon I went as
by appointment fixed to the house where my uncle Sepa lodged; that
same house to which I had been brought some three months gone when I
entered Alexandria for the first time。 And here I found the leaders of
the revolt in the city assembled in secret conclave to the number of
seven。 When I had entered; and the doors were barred; they prostrated
themselves; and cried; 〃Hail; Pharaoh!〃 but I bade them rise; saying
that I was not yet Pharaoh; for the chicken was still in the egg。
〃Yea; Prince;〃 said my uncle; 〃but his beak shows through。 Not in vain
hath Egypt brooded all these years; if thou fail not with tha