AMYNIAS
  Yes；　by　the　gods！　I　have　been　thrown　from　a　chariot。
  STREPSIADES
  Why　then　drivel　as　if　you　had　fallen　off　an　ass？
  AMYNIAS
  Am　I　drivelling　because　I　demand　my　money？
  STREPSIADES
  No；　no；　you　cannot　be　in　your　right　senses。
  AMYNIAS
  Why？
  STREPSIADES
  No　doubt　your　poor　wits　have　had　a　shake。
  AMYNIAS
  But　by　Hermes！　I　will　sue　you　at　law；　if　you　do　not　pay　me。
  STREPSIADES
  Just　tell　me；　do　you　think　it　is　always　fresh　water　that　Zeus　lets
  fall　every　time　it　rains；　or　is　ill　always　the　same　water　that　the　sun
  pumps　over　the　earth？
  AMYNIAS
  I　neither　know；　nor　care。
  STREPSIADES
  And　actually　you　would　claim　the　right　to　demand　your　money；
  when　you　know　not　an　iota　of　these　celestial　phenomena？
  AMYNIAS
  If　you　are　short；　pay　me　the　interest　anyway。
  STREPSIADES
  What　kind　of　animal　is　interest？
  AMYNIAS
  What？　Does　not　the　sum　borrowed　go　on　growing；　growing　every
  month；　each　day　as　the　time　slips　by？
  STREPSIADES
  Well　put。　But　do　you　believe　there　is　more　water　in　the　sea　now
  than　there　was　formerly？
  AMYNIAS
  No；　it's　just　the　same　quantity。　It　cannot　increase。
  STREPSIADES
  Thus；　poor　fool；　the　sea；　that　receives　the　rivers；　never　grows；
  and　yet　you　would　have　your　money　grow？　Get　you　gone；　away　with　you；
  quick！　Slave！　bring　me　the　ox…goad！
  AMYNIAS
  I　have　witnesses　to　this。
  STREPSIADES
  Come；　what　are　you　waiting　for？　Will　you　not　budge；　old　nag！
  AMYNIAS
  What　an　insult！
  STREPSIADES
  Unless　you　start　trotting；　I　shall　catch　you　and　stick　this　in
  your　arse；　you　sorry　packhorse！　（AMYNIAS　runs　off。）　Ah！　you　start；
  do　you？　I　was　about　to　drive　you　pretty　fast；　I　tell　you…you　and
  your　wheels　and　your　chariot！
  （He　enters　his　house。）
  CHORUS　（singing）
  Whither　does　the　passion　of　evil　lead！　here　is　a　perverse　old　man；
  who　wants　to　cheat　his　creditors；　but　some　mishap；　which　will　speedily
  punish　this　rogue　for　his　shameful　schemings；　cannot　fail　to
  overtake　him　from　to…day。　For　a　long　time　he　has　been　burning　to
  have　his　son　know　how　to　fight　against　all　justice　and　right　and　to
  gain　even　the　most　iniquitous　causes　against　his　adversaries　every
  one。　I　think　this　wish　is　going　to　be　fulfilled。　But　mayhap；　mayhap；
  will　he　soon　wish　his　son　were　dumb　rather！
  STREPSIADES　（rushing　out　With　PHIDIPPIDES　after　him）
  Oh！　oh！　neighbours；　kinsmen；　fellow…citizens；　help！　help！　to　the
  rescue；　I　am　being　beaten！　Oh！　my　head！　oh！　my　jaw！　Scoundrel！　Do
  you　beat　your　own　father？
  PHIDIPPIDES　（calmly）
  Yes；　father；　I　do。
  STREPSIADES
  See！　he　admits　he　is　beating　me。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Of　course　I　do。
  STREPSIADES
  You　villain；　you　parricide；　you　gallows…bird！
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Go　on；　repeat　your　epithets；　call　me　a　thousand　other　names；　if　it
  please　you。　The　more　you　curse；　the　greater　my　amusement！
  STREPSIADES
  Oh！　you　ditch…arsed　cynic！
  PHIDIPPIDES
  How　fragrant　the　perfume　breathed　forth　in　your　words。
  STREPSIADES
  Do　you　beat　your　own　father？
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Yes；　by　Zeus！　and　I　am　going　to　show　you　that　I　do　right　in
  beating　you。
  STREPSIADES
  Oh；　wretch！　can　it　be　right　to　beat　a　father？
  PHIDIPPIDES
  I　will　prove　it　to　you；　and　you　shall　own　yourself　vanquished。
  STREPSIADES
  Own　myself　vanquished　on　a　point　like　this？
  PHIDIPPIDES
  It's　the　easiest　thing　in　the　world。　Choose　whichever　of　the　two
  reasonings　you　like。
  STREPSIADES
  Of　which　reasonings？
  PHIDIPPIDES
  The　Stronger　and　the　Weaker。
  STREPSIADES
  Miserable　fellow！　Why；　I　am　the　one　who　had　you　taught　how　to
  refute　what　is　right。　and　now　you　would　persuade　me　it　is　right　a
  son　should　beat　his　father。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  I　think　I　shall　convince　you　so　thoroughly　that；　when　you　have
  heard　me；　you　will　not　have　a　word　to　say。
  STREPSIADES
  Well；　I　am　curious　to　hear　what　you　have　to　say。
  CHORUS　（singing）
  Consider　well；　old　man；　how　you　can　best　triumph　over　him。　His
  brazenness　shows　me　that　he　thinks　himself　sure　of　his　case；　he　has
  some　argument　which　gives　him　nerve。　Note　the　confidence　in　his　look！
  LEADER　OF　THE　CHORUS
  But　how　did　the　fight　begin？　tell　the　Chorus；　you　cannot　help
  doing　that　much。
  STREPSIADES
  I　will　tell　you　what　was　the　start　of　the　quarrel。　At　the　end　of
  the　meal；　as　you　know；　I　bade　him　take　his　lyre　and　sing　me　the　air　of
  Simonides；　which　tells　of　the　fleece　of　the　ram。　He　replied　bluntly；
  that　it　was　stupid；　while　drinking；　to　play　the　lyre　and　sing；　like
  a　woman　when　she　is　grinding　barley。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Why；　by　rights　I　ought　to　have　beaten　and　kicked　you　the　very
  moment　you　told　me　to　sing　I
  STREPSIADES
  That　is　just　how　he　spoke　to　me　in　the　house；　furthermore　he
  added；　that　Simonides　was　a　detestable　poet。　However；　I　mastered
  myself　and　for　a　while　said　nothing。　Then　I　said　to　him；　'At　least；
  take　a　myrtle　branch　and　recite　a　passage　from　Aeschylus　to
  me。'…'For　my　own　part；'　he　at　once　replied；　'I　look　upon　Aeschylus
  as　the　first　of　poets；　for　his　verses　roll　superbly；　they're　nothing
  but　incoherence；　bombast　and　turgidity。'　Yet　still　I　smothered　my
  wrath　and　said；　'Then　recite　one　of　the　famous　pieces　from　the
  modern　poets。'　Then　he　commenced　a　piece　in　which　Euripides　shows；　oh！
  horror！　a　brother；　who　violates　his　own　uterine　sister。　Then　I　could
  not　longer　restrain　myself；　and　attacked　him　with　the　most　injurious
  abuse；　naturally　he　retorted；　hard　words　were　hurled　on　both　sides；
  and　finally　he　sprang　at　me；　broke　my　bones；　bore　me　to　earth；
  strangled　and　started　killing　me！
  PHIDIPPIDES
  I　was　right。　What！　not　praise　Euripides；　the　greatest　of　our
  poets？
  STREPSIADES
  He　the　greatest　of　our　poets？　Ah！　if　I　but　dared　to　speak！　but　the
  blows　would　rain　upon　me　harder　than　ever。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Undoubtedly　and　rightly　too。
  STREPSIADES
  Rightly！　Oh！　what　impudence！　to　me；　who　brought　you　up！　when　you
  could　hardly　lisp；　I　guessed　what　you　wanted。　If　you　said　broo；
  broo；　well；　I　brought　you　your　milk；　if　you　asked　for　mam　mam；　I
  gave　you　bread；　and　you　had　no　sooner　said；　caca；　than　I　took　you
  outside　and　held　you　out。　And　just　now；　when　you　were　strangling　me；　I
  shouted；　I　bellowed　that　I　was　about　to　crap；　and　you；　you
  scoundrel；　had　not　the　heart　to　take　me　outside；　so　that；　though
  almost　choking；　I　was　compelled　to　do　my　crapping　right　there。
  CHORUS　（singing）
  Young　men；　your　hearts　must　be　panting　with　impatience。　What　is
  Phidippides　going　to　say？　If；　after　such　conduct；　he　proves　he　has
  done　well；　I　would　not　give　an　obolus　for　the　hide　of　old　men。
  LEADER　OF　THE　CHORUS
  Come；　you；　who　know　how　to　brandish　and　hurl　the　keen　shafts　of
  the　new　science；　find　a　way　to　convince　us；　give　your　language　an
  appearance　of　truth。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  How　pleasant　it　is　to　know　these　clever　new　inventions　and　to　be
  able　to　defy　the　established　laws！　When　I　thought　only　about　horses；　I
  was　not　able　to　string　three　words　together　without　a　mistake；　but　now
  that　the　master　has　altered　and　improved　me　and　that　I　live　in　this
  world　of　subtle　thought；　of　reasoning　and　of　meditation；　I　count　on
  being　able　to　prove　satisfactorily　that　I　have　done　well　to　thrash
  my　father。
  STREPSIADES
  Mount　your　horse！　By　Zeus！　I　would　rather　defray　the　keep　of　a
  four…in…hand　team　than　be　battered　with　blows。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  I　revert　to　what　I　was　saying　when　you　interrupted　me。　And
  first；　answer　me；　did　you　beat　me　in　my　childhood？
  STREPSIADES
  Why；　assuredly；　for　your　good　and　in　your　own　best　interest。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Tell　me；　is　it　not　right；　that　in　turn　I　should　beat　you　for
  your　good；　since　it　is　for　a　man's　own　best　interest　to　be　beaten？
  What！　must　your　body　be　free　of　blows；　and　not　mine？　am　I　not
  free…born　too？　the　children　are　to　weep　and　the　fathers　go　free？　You
  will　tell　me；　that　according　to　the　law；　it　is　the　lot　of　children
  to　be　beaten。　But　I　reply　that　the　old　men　are　children　twice　over　and
  that　it　is　far　more　fitting　to　chastise　them　than　the　young；　for　there
  is　less　excuse　for　their　faults。
  STREPSIADES
  But　the　law　nowhere　admits　that　fathers　should　be　treated　thus。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Was　not　the　legislator　who　carried　this　law　a　man　like　you　and　me？
  In　those　days　be　got　men　to　believe　him；　then　why　should　not　I　too
  have　the　right　to　establish　for　the　future　a　new　law；　allowing
  children　to　beat　their　fathers　in　turn？　We　make　you　a　present　of　all
  the　blows　which　were　received　before　his　law；　and　admit　that　you
  thrashed　us　with　impunity。　But　look　how　the　cocks　and　other　animals
  fight　with　their　fathers；　and　yet　what　difference　is　there　betwixt
  them　and　ourselves；　unless　it　be　that　they　do　not　propose　decrees？
  STREPSIA