第 55 节
作者:你妹找1      更新:2022-06-15 12:55      字数:9321
  otherwise interpret your request for the separate sheets。
  While on this point I will tell you what I have learnt
  relative to the authorship of that false paragraph about your
  engagement。  It was communicated to the paper by your uncle。
  Was the wish father to the thought; or could he have been
  misled; as many were; by appearances at the theatricals?
  'If I am not to write to you without a professional reason;
  surely you can write to me without such an excuse?  When you
  write tell me of yourself。  There is nothing I so much wish to
  hear of。  Write a great deal about your daily doings; for my
  mind's eye keeps those sweet operations more distinctly before
  me than my bodily sight does my own。
  'You say nothing of having been to look at the chapel…of…ease
  I told you of; the plans of which I made when an architect's
  pupil; working in metres instead of feet and inches; to my
  immense perplexity; that the drawings might be understood by
  the foreign workmen。  Go there and tell me what you think of
  its design。  I can assure you that every curve thereof is my
  own。
  'How I wish you would invite me to run over and see you; if
  only for a day or two; for my heart runs after you in a most
  distracted manner。  Dearest; you entirely fill my life!  But I
  forget; we have resolved not to go VERY FAR。  But the fact is
  I am half afraid lest; with such reticence; you should not
  remember how very much I am yours; and with what a dogged
  constancy I shall always remember you。  Paula; sometimes I
  have horrible misgivings that something will divide us;
  especially if we do not make a more distinct show of our true
  relationship。  True do I say?  I mean the relationship which I
  think exists between us; but which you do not affirm too
  clearly。Yours always。'
  Away southward like the swallow went the tender lines。  He
  wondered if she would notice his hint of being ready to pay
  her a flying visit; if permitted to do so。  His fancy dwelt on
  that further side of France; the very contours of whose shore
  were now lines of beauty for him。  He prowled in the library;
  and found interest in the mustiest facts relating to that
  place; learning with aesthetic pleasure that the number of its
  population was fifty thousand; that the mean temperature of
  its atmosphere was 60 degrees Fahrenheit; and that the
  peculiarities of a mistral were far from agreeable。
  He waited overlong for her reply; but it ultimately came。
  After the usual business preliminary; she said:
  'As requested; I have visited the little church you designed。
  It gave me great pleasure to stand before a building whose
  outline and details had come from the brain of such a valued
  friend and adviser。'
  ('Valued friend and adviser;' repeated Somerset critically。)
  'I like the style much; especially that of the windowsEarly
  English are they not?  I am going to attend service there next
  Sunday; BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ARCHITECT; AND FOR NO GODLY
  REASON AT ALL。  Does that content you?  Fie for your
  despondency!  Remember M。 Aurelius:  〃This is the chief thing:
  Be not perturbed; for all things are of the nature of the
  Universal。〃  Indeed I am a little surprised at your having
  forebodings; after my assurance to you before I left。  I have
  none。  My opinion is that; to be happy; it is best to think
  that; as we are the product of events; events will continue to
  produce that which is in harmony with us。 。 。 。  You are too
  faint…hearted; and that's the truth of it。  I advise you not
  to abandon yourself to idolatry too readily; you know what I
  mean。  It fills me with remorse when I think how very far
  below such a position my actual worth removes me。
  'I should like to receive another letter from you as soon as
  you have got over the misgiving you speak of; but don't write
  too soon。  I wish I could write anything to raise your
  spirits; but you may be so perverse that if; in order to do
  this; I tell you of the races; routs; scenery; gaieties; and
  gambling going on in this place and neighbourhood (into which
  of course I cannot help being a little drawn); you may declare
  that my words make you worse than ever。  Don't pass the line I
  have set down in the way you were tempted to do in your last;
  and not too many Dearestsat least as yet。  This is not a
  time for effusion。  You have my very warm affection; and
  that's enough for the present。'
  As a love…letter this missive was tantalizing enough; but
  since its form was simply a continuation of what she had
  practised before she left; it produced no undue misgiving in
  him。  Far more was he impressed by her omitting to answer the
  two important questions he had put to her。  First; concerning
  her uncle's attitude towards them; and his conduct in giving
  such strange information to the reporter。  Second; on his;
  Somerset's; paying her a flying visit some time during the
  spring。  Since she had requested it; he made no haste in his
  reply。  When penned; it ran in the words subjoined; which; in
  common with every line of their correspondence; acquired from
  the strangeness of subsequent circumstances an interest and a
  force that perhaps they did not intrinsically possess。
  'People cannot' (he wrote) 'be for ever in good spirits on
  this gloomy side of the Channel; even though you seem to be so
  on yours。  However; that I can abstain from letting you know
  whether my spirits are good or otherwise; I will prove in our
  future correspondence。  I admire you more and more; both for
  the warm feeling towards me which I firmly believe you have;
  and for your ability to maintain side by side with it so much
  dignity and resolution with regard to foolish sentiment。
  Sometimes I think I could have put up with a little more
  weakness if it had brought with it a little more tenderness;
  but I dismiss all that when I mentally survey your other
  qualities。  I have thought of fifty things to say to you of
  the TOO FAR sort; not one of any other; so that your
  prohibition is very unfortunate; for by it I am doomed to say
  things that do not rise spontaneously to my lips。  You say
  that our shut…up feelings are not to be mentioned yet。  How
  long is the yet to last?
  'But; to speak more solemnly; matters grow very serious with
  us; Paulaat least with me:  and there are times when this
  restraint is really unbearable。  It is possible to put up with
  reserve when the reserved being is by one's side; for the eyes
  may reveal what the lips do not。  But when she is absent; what
  was piquancy becomes harshness; tender railleries become cruel
  sarcasm; and tacit understandings misunderstandings。  However
  that may be; you shall never be able to reproach me for
  touchiness。  I still esteem you as a friend; I admire you and
  love you as a woman。  This I shall always do; however
  unconfiding you prove。'
  II。
  Without knowing it; Somerset was drawing near to a crisis in
  this soft correspondence which would speedily put his
  assertions to the test; but the knowledge came upon him soon
  enough for his peace。
  Her next letter; dated March 9th; was the shortest of all he
  had received; and beyond the portion devoted to the building…
  works it contained only the following sentences:
  'I am almost angry with you; George; for being vexed because I
  am not more effusive。  Why should the verbal I LOVE YOU be
  ever uttered between two beings of opposite sex who have eyes
  to see signs?  During the seven or eight months that we have
  known each other; you have discovered my regard for you; and
  what more can you desire?  Would a reiterated assertion of
  passion really do any good?  Remember it is a natural instinct
  with us women to retain the power of obliging a man to hope;
  fear; pray; and beseech as long as we think fit; before we
  confess to a reciprocal affection。
  'I am now going to own to a weakness about which I had
  intended to keep silent。  It will not perhaps add to your
  respect for me。  My uncle; whom in many ways I like; is
  displeased with me for keeping up this correspondence so
  regularly。  I am quite perverse enough to venture to disregard
  his feelings; but considering the relationship; and his
  kindness in other respects; I should prefer not to do so at
  present。  Honestly speaking; I want the courage to resist him
  in some things。  He said to me the other day that he was very
  much surprised that I did not depend upon his judgment for my
  future happiness。  Whether that meant much or little; I have
  resolved to communicate with you only by telegrams for the
  remainder of the time we are here。  Please reply by the same
  means only。  There; now; don't flush and call me names!  It is
  for the best; and we want no nonsense; you and I。  Dear
  George; I feel more than I say; and if I do not speak more
  plainly; you will understand what is behind after all I have
  hinted。  I can promise you that you will not like me less upon
  knowing me better。  Hope ever。  I would give up a good deal
  for you。  Good…bye!'
  This brought Somerset some cheerfulness and a good deal of
  gloom。  He silently reproached her; who was apparently so
  independent; for lacking independence in such a vital matter。
  Perhaps it was mere sex; perhaps it was peculiar to a few;
  that her independence and courage; like Cleopatra's; failed
  her occasionally at